All that's come to pass..

... And I'm happy. Well, not too happy, but I'm satisfied. And grateful. And I'm just honestly glad He pulled me through this time; I really couldn't have done it without Him. All praise and glory belongs to Him; what menial pleasure is His alone. I'm just thankful I can share it =P. Joke.

But thank You, so much.

Right now, I just wanna get out of the bloody place.

I'm sorry; I'm sorry I'm rapidly losing interest in the bloody place. I'm sorry that I DON'T look sorry at all. I'm sorry that I'm leaving with a smile (if the tears don't get to me first). I'm sorry that I seem so ungrateful, so unconcerned. I'm sorry.

But why the heck am I apologizing?

I'm glad. I'm ecstatic. I'm petrified. I'm impatient. I WANT to study those subjects as soon as I can. THIS is why I go to school, well, not entirely, but you get the idea. THIS is why I don't simply give up (apart from God). THIS is what I actually LIKE learning. This is where I belong, as cheesy and overused and overrated as it sounds. THIS is why I HAVE to get out NOW.

Sigh. Everyone dreams of leaving MS early; I'm just doing it another way. =P And I don't mind one bit.

Nights, peeps.

Encompasses all-

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees


What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?


What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life its name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?


What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?

Wowzers.

Gosh, at this rate, I probably WILL delete this blog after my 200th post.

Heys, people.

My week has been packed. Rights. I'm not super woman, so I will admit that this week was busy. Awfully busy. Heh. Homework has been piling by the masses, and I am SERIOUSLY unable to wait patiently for Chemistry-less days to come. Honestly; I don't even remember why I took this subject. Heh. And Math has been partnered with Statistics, and we know how wonderful I am at distributing data, right? Gosh. And I have one due on Saturday. And I haven't even done it. And I'm busy tomorrow as well. GOSH.

I need rest.

My energy's sapped.

I know I can't do it alone. I don't want to.

I know you're reading this.

I know you know that I knew you knew that I was going to write this.

Help?

Maybe. Just-maybe.

A/N: Something I came up with. As usual, plot's mine, characters are mine. You're free to deduce whatever conclusion you want to derive, because I ain't telling you nothing. =P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Did you know how worthless I felt?

    

    My tears streamed down too fast; maybe you saw them, maybe you pretended it was just a trick of the eye. We do that sometimes, didn’t you notice?

    

    Bury the hatchet, but don’t forget to mark its grave. It seemed like the motto for us. So much piled under the rug; do you think it’s starting to show a little? Maybe we could spread it out then, make it more even, and make it a little less inconspicuous, a little less noticeable.

    

    I turned my head sideways, it didn’t help at all. I knew that; I’ve tried that before. I don’t know why I kept doing it anyway. Whenever this happens.

    

    Both of us are stiff.

    

    You’re swearing at the roads. I hate it when you cuss; roles were reversed then. But sometimes I’m the hypocrite. I’m cursing inside as well; maybe you can see it on my face. Then again, you never did turn to look at me. Maybe you did; maybe I just didn’t see.

    

    I wanted so bad to fight you. I wanted so bad to correct you, show just who’s in the right this time. It can’t be you on the pedestal all the time, right?

    

    I wanted so bad to tell you sorry. Apologize. But it’s hard. It’s always too hard.

    

    I promised myself I won’t cry this time. I try thinking of fluffy, menial things. Those images collapsed too easily; maybe I just didn’t bother trying harder. Maybe I couldn’t.

    

    They fell one by one. The first drop seemed to hesitate; maybe I held it in a little too long, and now it’s unsure of its fall.

    

    The second one made its mind quick enough.

    

    The rest merely followed.

    

    A deep breath; it’s what those books, those shows taught us in times like these, right? Take a deep breath, clear your head, everything’ll be alright.

    

    All I did was hiccup loudly.

    

    I hated hiccups. I loathed those hiccups that appear when I’m sobbing quietly, because I look a fright then; my nose is blotchy and my eyes begin to itch and swell. And more tears form tiny, clear rivulets mixed with the snot I’m too proud to wipe.

    

    I give up when you bring in your trusty reinforcements.

    

    I’m not stupid. I know when I’ve lost. Maybe I’m too used to it already. Maybe I’ve even expected it, and that’s why I sob just that tiny bit louder.

    

    My breathing becomes irregular as more of those irritating hiccups arrive, and I wish dearly I had a handkerchief, at least.

    

    Slicing words. They left too many scars.

    

    Maybe you can’t see them. Sometimes I forget as well. But you always managed to make me remember them, didn’t you?

    

    Maybe you don’t remember those things you said. I doubt you do; you were always forgetful anyway.

    

    It’s a bit harder for the scars to fade, though. I don’t think they ever would. They are scars, anyway. Maybe they’ll become scabs and I could peel them off, but they seem too fresh each time I feel like making myself cleaner. And I skip them; and I’m reminded of them each time new scars are squeezed in that little space.

    

    You finally get rid of me, and I spent another half an hour drying myself out before I encountered the peace I was looking for once more.

    

    Maybe you’re still stewing in rage. Maybe you’re still upset with me. Maybe I AM a failure.

    

    Maybe, just maybe, I AM as worthless as you think I am.

   

    

    I love you anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Sort of depressing, but then again, it's me. =P

Nights, people.

     

   

It's 2010. Lagging much? =P

Anyways. Welcome 2012 2010. Hehe. Seriously, I did type that out. HAHA. =P

Gosh. I've been on an adrenaline-spurred rush ever since the start of the new year; well, before that really, on account of the Year 7 orientation, which I will explain in a bit. =P But before that, I just wanna say thanks to all of you guys who gave me awesome prezzies. =D You know who you are, people. I will get to the books. As soon as I finish my current one. Can't seem to make time to actually read for pleasure for once. Gosh. My life has been that hectic. O.O

And to think Mom wanted me to take up four subjects in Katok. Man.

Speaking of Katok, I'm honestly somewhat anxious, but I'm still hoping. Still praying for the move. Please pray for me, people. =/

And speaking of orientation, I've been caught up with the best team over. "Come on, people! On three! One, two, THREE....

This. Is. SPARTA!!!"

Hehe. Yes, we were Spartans for two and a half days. The theme was Ancient Cities, as none of us had a clue about anything traditional besides those of us who played the gulingtangan. =P

Although, apparently, some unknown facts about the Spartans came up during a conversation with my Dad and I am glad their naive little ears did not hear said facts. O.O

Hahaha. I had a lot of fun, like, duh. My kids were well-behaved, semangat and blur, just like their facilitators. =P Maybe I've over-exaggerated the well-behaved part, but yeah, we have our moments, right guys? =P By the way, amazing job, co-facilitators. And congrats to Kaka Farah for winning the title of Best Facilitator. =D Haha. Though my kids are still the best. Yes, I love my kids. They were awesome, and we deserve that third place. =D Hahaha. I sort of expected us to be in the middle, but it was a pleasant surprise. My kids were blur as to whether we should all go up or not. Sigh. They're Spartans, alright. =P

Of course I missed lessons for two whole days and suffered immensely because of it. Sigh. I like homework (somewhat) but this is definitely too much. I'd be happy with G.P and Math/Physics, but alas, Chem shan't be ignored, eh?

I like my teachers though. They're... Interesting. Hehe. They're alright, really. At least Physics makes sense now. Yay! =D Hehe. Never thought I could distinguish-well, actually, I can. If I bothered to. HAHA. =P But yeah. Doesn't mean I don't want to pursue my future though, which still hangs there. Somewhere.

But yeah. I've actually finished my Math homework for Thursday! Though the same can't be said for Chem, which is due on Saturday. Must relearn all those stupid formulae I thought I'd left behind. Sigh. Why ever did I think taking Chem was a good idea? =S

Rights. Enough rambling about Chem, and actually rejoice over completed work. Yes, I am that deprived. Sigh. I'm a sad, sad creature, aren't I?

On the plus side, I have most of my music on my laptop now! Gosh, I missed you, Skillet, Flyleaf, Paramore, Breaking Benjamin, and all those other people I love listening to. =P Can't be bothered to rack my brains. Or look through my playlist. Hehe.

TV has been a luxury as well. Although those silly shows on KBS World are rather funny. Believe it or not, I am actually impressed with some of them. They're really quite hilarious. Haha. =P

Rights, I have updated my blog, updated my music, done my homework and shall be turning in after this. Soon. Hehe.

Nights, peeps!

It's a new day.

Rights. So I finished work last Sunday, and I'm very satisfied with the amount of money I made. *smirks* I'm just glad God gave me the means to not burden my parents this year with things I need. That said, I think I splurged a bit too much on my school shoes =S. Blame not the workers or my boss who was eagerly throwing shoe after shoe at me-

That said, I miss those people. They were the very few things good about the shop. Besides the not-so-infinite amount of shoes, anyway. =P They're... Funny. Hilarious, really. Haha. Enjoyed working with them immensely. =D

But, as we all know, I am still a kid, therefore I still have to go to school, and to school I went yesterday for the first time in 2010.

And we had to endure some nonsense but overall, was glad that we didn't have to go to classes anyway. Escape, katakan. =P HAHA!

But the inevitable cannot be eluded, and what has been in its grasp, it will not release.

Gosh, I miss Lit. =(

But I'm alright with the subjects I have, for now, anyway. Haha. Chem may look to be quite challenging, though. Sigh. Nick? =P

Hahaha. Got homework on the first day as well. The first day of actual classes, I mean. And what a day. Haha. So much walking-well, not so, but more than what we're accustomed to, in terms of the frequency, not the distance. That, has not really changed much. =P Now I get the traffic that's always going on on that side of the building. =P

Hehe. So, I shall clean my room, which I said I'd do a couple of hours ago, but whatever. You can't stop a PMS-ing mother, can you? =P

.... And there's that homework as well. And the fact that Year 7 starts registering tomorrow.. Which reminds me.

Oi, turtle! Don't let your bro be late tomorrow! =P

Heh. I should really go now. Haha. And listen to more David Archuleta. =D LOVING his Christmas album. Sigh. Awesome voice. =)

This may have to be another shortie, as I'm supposed to be asleep by now.

Man, it's been a while since I used a phone to blog.

Haha. Anyways. The past two weeks since I've posted has been, well, tiring, and frustrating, honestly. Imagine spending about 12-13 hours out of home during the holidays to earn some cash, but not see your family except when you've just woken up and you're too sleepy to notice and when you come back home and you're too tired to care. Couple that with being away and catching up with sleep for the first half of the month and you'll feel like you haven't seen your family in forever.

Please, please don't judge me by saying I'm a spoiled brat who asked for the bloody spot in the first place anyway, 'cause I'm damn sure I'm more than that, if you didn't know already.

It's put a lot into perspective, really. Well, depending on what yours is.

These three days off haven't exactly been spent relaxing either. Old duties come back to haunt, and I admit, I missed the vibe the team had. It felt great to be working together again, especially for this activity. Them noobs won't even know what hit them. =P

And tomorrow, I'm going back there again. I don't know when I'll stop. I don't know if I'll be welcomed with open arms again. I don't know if I can hold it back much longer.

That definitely hasn't stopped me from being insipid, though.

It sounds like I'll die the death of a martyr, doesn't it?

Well, only few have the honour, and I don't think I'm worthy enough. ;)

With these cheerful words, I bid adieu.

Blessed Christmas and Happy New Year 2010. Keep running. Keep pressing for the goal. Remember Who's with you, for you and loves you, even when the end has passed.

Much love, Sherly=).