And To Think;

Tell me Goodbye

2011-08-24T15:15:00.000+08:00

Nearly 5 months since I've updated, and well, all I can say is...

I honestly thought nobody reads this anymore. Well, except for you, I guess, Mr. Slick. ;) Haha. I've been busy, definitely, but I've also, well, migrated.

Actually, I migrated about a year ago, but I thought I would still be able to commit to this old blog. Guess I'm human like that. And I've deleted the tagboard to make way for a new one here.

That's where you'll usually find me. ;) Not a lot of updates on my life, but I'm planning on rectifying that soon. Hehe.

As for this; I'm not ready to let it go just yet, so this site will still be here for a while. Until then, see you on the other side.

When sorry was all she had.

2011-04-06T21:34:00.000+08:00

A/N: It's unchecked, it's raw, and it was born out of a desire to really put some of these words to good use once more. =) By the way, I'm fine now. =)

“Get off the blasted couch and clean the dishes, for goodness’ sake! Do you LIKE hearing me shout constantly?!”

“Well, to me, Hamlet’s hamartia, is not necessarily his hubris; rather, it is his inactive and passive aggressive behaviour that delays the…”

“”’Cause this is my story; just the breaking of my heart;””

“Work done is equals to force in Newton times acceleration…”

“How the heck do you find the stupid area of this stupid shaded figure?!”

“Gah, screw differentiation.”

“Where’s Dad?”

“”Light up, light up, even if you had no choice, even if you cannot hear my voice;””

“If I were gay, would you break up with me?”

“Dear God....”

“”And no sky contains, no doubt restrains all You are, the greatness of our God;””

“I didn’t mean it like that!”

“Sorry =(…”

Drooping eyes barely making out the words before her; she’s had quite enough of them, for once. She hasn’t any desire to read, despite it being her Achilles’ heel, and she’s feeling lifeless again. She hates going through all of that, because she doesn’t want to go through the pain of dying and the shallow breathing and the profoundly terrible ache in her chest and-

Really, she’s had quite enough with words today. They’re just not adequate enough. Can’t encompass all of the expressions she’s desperate to let out. It’s taken too literally, and sometimes, just not literally enough.

She wishes she could go on, because this isn’t enough; it’s too brief, it barely skims the surface, it’s too wide open for interpretation.

Yet she can’t, because all of her words; they’re taken away from her. Pulled, snatched, ripped from her mouth, her mind, her plastered heart, and she’s got nothing left, when all she ever had were words.

While I brood over Hamlet;

2011-02-06T16:57:00.000+08:00

So.

I guess the whole nation is very much aware of the fact that, well, results are out. For O Levels, AS and A2 Levels. That sounds weird, but never mind. And over the past nearly 24 hours, there has been breakdowns, tears of joy, sorrow, regret, rage and probably plain ol' disappoinment and gratitude have been shed. Curses have been uttered, praises accompany them. It's surreal seeing this again. Jolts you into remembering what the future holds; or rather, not knowing what it's got in its hands.

And where do I stand? I guess I expected my results, but didn't exactly expect it as well. I can't say I've done my best; I've probably done worse than ever, in terms of my standards, what's expected of me. But I'm grateful I didn't literally bomb any of them; except for Math, probably. HAHA. Ah well. You wouldn't need Math for either English Studies or Journalism, would you?

I'd probably need a B to get a freaking scholarship, though. Ugh. Hauling ass in order to ace (or not bomb the thing anymore) Math commences.... When I've got my schedule in order and my homework done. Mwahaha. Sometime this week, if all goes well and I've pulled my head out of the pretty clouds and nonexistent rainbows.

Scary. All of it. It's scary. So unclear.

Hamlet and his failure to pull-his-head-out-of-his-butt-to-kill-his-uncle-for-murdering-his-father pales by comparison, honestly. So suck on that, mate.

In the club;

2011-01-23T17:43:00.000+08:00

I guess planning way too early, conjuring something way too fixed... Probably isn't a good idea, in retrospect.

When Ches mentioned the policy about UBD regarding its employees (specifically, lecturers), his wasn't the only plan that, well, had some leaks in it. I've had a clear idea of where I want to go, what I want to be, when I was much younger, back when peers still wonder if Economics is more fun than Business Studies or if POA was easier than, say, Computing. Immerse myself in English, be awesome at it, go to UBD, get a scholarship somewhere along the way overseas and come back and work in UBD before I study for PhD again.

I guess life's never as clear-cut as that.

Maybe it's fortunate I hear about it now, before I leave sixth form and become stranded with no place to go, no back-up plan, no idea what God actually has in store for me.

Dad's been giving me some ideas, and it's definitely something I'd like to explore; journalism and editing, I mean. Writing, expressing my opinions, making sure the articles have good English. ;P But I still like to talk; make people see just how cool and complex and imperfect and relevant the language is today. Thus why I don't want to be stuck being a mere teacher in a high school.

Maybe the fact that I want to do something different than them has a pretty big influence in that as well.

I don't know, honestly. All I can do right now is pray some more, trust Him just a little bit more, and do my own part.

Gaggle of people who've no concrete idea what they want to be and are severely running out of time; meet your newest recruit.

I want a Husky. This is Shan Wee's fault. =(

2011-01-18T21:45:00.000+08:00

Look at it. It's SO CUTE.

And them!

2011 had a very hectic start; I'm hoping it isn't an omen for the entire year. God (and a whole load of other people) knows just how freaking swamped I was last year with everything. =S If I even bother with making new year resolutions, I'd say being less busy would be among the top three things on the list. But yeah; had the whole PWM thing at CHMS on the 8th (third year for me, methinks) and thank the good Lord that everything went really well for both the caroling and handmime team. =D

Besides that; the school has accepted the Cohort 1 students (January intake) and these poor souls get to get a head start on their education for Lower Six! Oh the joy it brings forth. I started school in January, and I was almost sobbing (not literally, but almost, hence the word almost) for an extension of the holidays. Sighs.

AND THEN, we welcomed (not really, but it's the truth) the Cohort 2 guys and girls and, well, it's been crazy exhausting. I mean, I get tired easily, but the past few days (especially the first few days when they came like hordes of bees) were literally enough to make me fall dead asleep every night. Not that I don't appreciate it. HAHA.

I look REALLY fair here. Sighs. Wish I really was. T.T

Din! The only guy in school that dares to punch (no, not physically maim) me, I think. HAHAHA. Next to Jeremy. =P

SO difficult finding a picture with the juniors in it. =.=" HAHAHAHA!

Choir.

Such an awesomedary club. =') (Isaac and Dan, if you read this, know that I use this invented word in the best of ways. ;P)

BABI FACE!

Cohort 2's program is STILL ongoing (2 weeks T.T) and AS results would be out soon! =S Sighs. Freaking nervous. But whatever I get, I give it to God. =) Couldn't, wouldn't have done everything without You.

Besides that; homework's been piling up but HOPEFULLY I'll get to drop EAS and get TWO PS blocks! =D So I can study/revise/play around/work during one and sleep during the other. HEHE. Watched Step Up 3 today! =D Didn't finish because I had to go home early, but yeah. And yes, everyone's said this, but I am in awe of their mad skills. Freakishly mad skills. Robot Man was the best. =D

The SAME exact poster they used for the movie in the LT! =D

His red glasses makes him look like a cyborg. SO cool. =B

Aside from all that, I guess there's nothing more I could type about, honestly.

To the last.

2010-12-31T15:58:00.000+08:00

A/N: Since everyone's writing a review or posting pictures for the last day of the year, I guess I'll just have to be badass-ly different once again and post a story instead. ;) Mind, I haven't written anything this concrete for months, and I can tell I'm rusty in some areas. But despite all the optimism, I hope you enjoy it nevertheless. ;)

Disclaimer: Mine. Except for snow and Coke.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Allie glanced at her watch before sweeping her gaze around the small, slightly deserted park, adjusting the strap of her bag on her shoulder. Maybe the people were already celebrating the last day of the year, drinking away their memories and recollections as a sign of welcoming the new year. She frowned a little, adjusting her glasses before spotting a figure lounging on the snow-ridden grass not too far away, auburn hair visible amongst the pure white surrounding it.

The brunette trudged over, gloved hands in pockets, her jacket enveloping her, wondering absent-mindedly if her redheaded friend was similarly bundled up. For all she knew, the girl had only thrown on a scarf and the first jacket she saw in her haste to get down here. A few more paces and Allie was looming over a small figure lying spread-eagled on the snow, thankfully covered head to toe in a thick, woolly jacket and boots, a bright green scarf covering nearly half her face as brown eyes twinkled back at her.

“’Sup, fairy princess?” Allie greeted, and plopped down beside her best friend, her bag behind her, smirking. She’d always thought the meaning of her name was completely contradictory to her slightly uncouth behaviour. Perhaps uncouth was a bit too strong; but she’d never seen her act fairy-like in the least.

“Shut up, noble and exalted one,” Shay retorted, her voice muffled by the scarf. She huffed, and pulled it down, before sticking a tongue out.

“Doesn’t beat fairy princess.” Allie rolled her eyes, smirking again. Their breaths came out in white puffs of air, winter at its finest. “Ready for another year, mate?”

Shay pushed herself up, and wrapped her arms around her knees, making her look fragile and vulnerable, unlike the near adult that she was. “I honestly don’t know. It’s like, I’m tempted to live in the memories, not because I’m so reluctant to leave them, but I wonder if... The new ones would be as memorable; as worthy to be created.”

The brunette snorted, not unkindly, and let out another puff of breath. “I get you. This year’s been... Well, it’s been a lot of things. You know?”

Her friend nodded. “I guess... It’s been crazy. We discovered our best-friend-ship thanks to a member of the monkey family, got addicted to Dekker, and never failed to get high on those cancerous yogurt sticks, among other things.” She laughed a little, a slight smirk pulling at her lips.

“Damn yogurt sticks.” Allie agreed, before laughing along. “And don’t forget, ma chérie, that you found something else too.” She winked, rolling her eyes at the innocent look Shay was pulling. “Does mushy, cheesy and sappy ring a bell?”

“Sorry, no bells on me.” Shay replied nonchalantly, a soft blush permeating her cheeks. “Shut up, dude.” She retorted when Allie started guffawing. “Gosh, I’m pathetic, aren’t I?”

The younger of the two smirked again, and answered, “Nah; you’ve just gone soft, is all. Like the princess you were meant to be.” At this, the smirk dissolved into giggles as Shay merely rolled her dark eyes, before picking up a handful of snow and flung it smack dab into her best friend’s face.

“Alright, peace! So touchy. Anyways,” Allie quickly put her hands up in surrender, sticking her tongue out at the snickering redhead. “Any new year’s resolutions, ma chérie?”

“Besides continuing to be a badass?” Shay raised an eyebrow, a slight smile on her lips now. “I don’t know, man. I’d probably come barrelling into the new year, all blunt and Gryffindor-like and whatnot. And no one ever completes their resolutions; it’s like, an excuse to have a purpose when you don’t know your own.”

Allie snorted again, before nodding in agreement. “Well, you can’t exactly blame them, I guess,” she replied simply. “But tomorrow’s the new year. Auld Lang Syne and all that. What do you think will happen?”

The slight smile on Shay’s face became a half-smirk, before it softened. “Aside from finally escaping the bonds of uniform and public exams?” The thought made her stomach tightened in fear and anticipation, but she pushed on. “A lot. That’s all I can say.”

Allie glanced at the redhead, her face filled with pensive thoughts, before grabbing her bag and rummaging through it, producing two bottles filled with sweet, dark liquid. “Never too late in the year for some Coke, I always say. Well, since today, at least,” she amended unashamedly, and handed one of the bottles to her grinning friend, whose short legs were crossed Indian-style as she sat up eagerly.

Both girls uncorked the bottles, and clinked them together as Allie said, “To a lot,” before gulping the drink heartily.

Since I'll be legal in less than 2 weeks and Christmas is ONLY 10 DAYS AFTER THAT...

2010-12-02T17:30:00.000+08:00

This automatically gives me a right to post THIS up:

My 18^th-slash-Christmas Wish List 2010

NOTE: I KNOW I probably won't get almost everything, but a girl can dream, right?

ANYWAYS.

1) A New Laptop:

I'm sorry, but this has grown from a want, to an almost necessity. My current laptop (bless its decade old hard drive) constantly crashes, had woken up from a couple of comas and deserve its long awaited rest. Seriously. Plus. It's big and bulky and NOT something I'd bring to school unless necessary (like that time when I had my Lit mocks and all my notes were on-WAIT THAT WAS SHA'S LAPTOP. WHOOPS.)

2) An MP3 player/iPod/any easily portable device I can use to listen to music

I know, I know. There's that $36 MP3 in Yayasan somewhere; why not buy that? (Glares at Dad, before sighing in resignation) Ah well. Yes. I'd love one. Dearly. I would give you a big tight hug if you get me one. It is essential for the success of my education that I have one. TEEHEE.

THIS IS REALLY COOL.

3) A New Phone

Sadly, Mommy took back her (unknown and supposed) offer of buying me a C3 when she found out I got a D for my Math. Even after seeing me nab THREE trophies. AND an ICAS award. Sighs. So yeah. The current phone would probably last for about three months more at the rate I'm abusing it. HEHE. What's worse is that it's a slide phone and I've always had this dread that one day, one drop would just split it apart. O.O

4) The Whole Set Of The Harry Potter Series

Enough said.

5) Cool Stationery

I LOVE cool stationery. HAHAHA. I sound like a retard, but I do. Stickers, colour pens cute little binder animal figures things.

6) Bags

I'm a girl. This reason shall prevail for the next few things.

7) Tank tops

I like the one on the second from the right. ;D

8) Dresses

It's SO difficult to find dresses I actually like, after all. D= HAHAHA.

9) Colourful Socks

Don't tell me you've never wanted a pair or two! =O

10) Cash

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

11) Credit

Remember last year, Rach? ;) HEHEHEHE.

11) Funky jewellery

Which girl doesn't? Okay, I just realized that sounds EXTREMELY discriminatory, so ignore it. HEHE. I DO.

12) Ted Dekker's books

Yes, I've mentioned this before. HAHAHAHA. I'd love to get my hands on a Dekker book someday. Prefereably this one. Ah well.

13) Frank Peretti's books

I've heard of the Darkness books from our very own Sammy Slick, and they sound really, really cool. Hehe.

This wouldn't hurt too badly either.

14) Nail polish

Come to think of it, I don't think I've painted my nails before. O.O Well, I can't remember, anyways. HAHAHAHAHA.

CUTE! Not the colour, the shape. HAHAHAHA.

15) A Super Huge Dollhouse

I'm serious. I asked my Dad once when I was 16 and he went, "Grow up." Only, in a nicer, fatherly way.

16) A Hard Disk/ Big Memory Pendrive

I do. I need this. T.T

17) An Idiot's Guide To Learning Guitar Scales

WAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA.

(For the record, there is only one God. ;) And He rocks.)

18) Happy Time With The Loved Ones <3

Just to unwind. Relax and just talk and joke and tease.

I heart this picture very much. <3

I LOVE YOU TOO, SHA DONGSAENG! <3

Child Welfare Service! (It's System, actually, but yeah. HAHAHAHA. Gosh...) *HUGS* <3 ;) HAHAHAHAHA!

<3. =)

P.S. Shan Wee and Qeel; we REALLY need to take more pictures together. Sighs. T.T HAHAHAHA.

And that's EIGHTEEN THINGS I want for my Eighteenth and Christmas! =D

P.S. I'll probably edit the colour font for fun when I'm not too busy. HEHE.

Since the laptop fails..

2010-11-30T14:54:00.000+08:00

And fails VERY BADLY..

This is for you, dude. ;)

Sometimes...

2010-11-18T23:52:00.000+08:00

I forget. I forget that sometimes, other people don't want to be treated the way I'd like to be treated. Sometimes I forget that I'm not like other people. Sometimes I forget that I'm probably not the best representative for everyone. That I like deciphering things. I like guessing things right. I like knowing things without being told outright. I like feeling like I'm not troubling someone to explain something to me. That their effort wouldn't be wasted on me.

I guess... I've been assuming too much.

To be different is a privilege; to be different from so many others is an affliction one bears with a fragile pride.

And so... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being assumptive. I'm sorry; I'm still learning, still trying to get a good grade in this. Trouble is, I can't seem to determine my scores at all.

I'm running out of things to say.

2010-11-05T22:11:00.000+08:00

Could this be the demise of another blog, you say?

No, not really. For now, at least.

Life's been getting slightly... Repetitive, I guess. No, not falling into a rut, thank God. Maybe things are starting to look more familiar again, just with brighter strokes of the paintbrush and bigger words in the story. And I don't mind things being a little different this time round, maybe. It's a little scary, but life is terrifying, when it comes down to bits and things.

So anyways, I'm done with all my exams. NOT. I've two more papers to go through next Wednesday and Friday, and I'll be free. Relatively. But now I'm not so excited. =S Dear God, hopefully things go alright. *scrunches face and closes eyes tight in hope*

But yeah. Screw that for now.

Been going to school just for Socio for the past two weeks or so, but that's gonna change soon, I guess. Starting Math again, tomorrow, maybe. EURGH. Yeah, that is the verbal equivalent of my distaste for said subject. Yech. Sighs. Yeah, I'm at least learning something and all that, but really, Math?

Did I ever mention how I don't really like window shopping? No? Well, I don't. Not really. But one DOES get tempted when one sees something like this:

I don't care if I sound biased or not, but I LOVE Gryffindor's dress. SO CUTE. And Ravenclaw's boots. I kinda like Slytherin's coat too. And Hufflepuff's cute lil' ring thing. HEHE. By the way, the picture doesn't belong to me. (A) Was just borrowing for some fun. Hehe.

Anyways. It got me onto a string of sites and-I'll stop. Wouldn't wanna embarrass myself any further. =3

So basically, today was a waste of time. Well, most of my time was wasted online, even tonight, but it's okay.

Crap, I haven't even touched my Socio homework.

I'm officially a bimbo. So yeah.

2010-10-29T15:28:00.000+08:00

HAHA. I woke up this morning (yes, 11am is STILL morning, can't you see the am at the back?) and showered and stuff, before taking my Mom's laptop and GASP!

ALL MY STUFF WERE GONE!

So I panicked, told some people about it (as in personally; Twitter don't count) and I had actually devised a plan (somewhat) to retrieve my songs, my Student Council things and *sobs* my songs, when out of the blue..

Daddy entered the room. With a new haircut. HAHA.

I don't have a picture of him in the haircut though. Sighs. Ah well. This'll have to do.

Anyways!

He did some thingy majiggy and BOOM! Everything was back! Even my Mom's wallpaper of her and Dad! HAHAHAHA!

Thus is a morning in the life of Sherly.

What have I been up to?

2010-10-22T22:12:00.000+08:00

A little mischief, certainly, but all's good. =D

Teehee. But yeah. I'm freakin' done with AS SOCIO, BABY! Sigh. The elation that I feel though, cannot be compared to the day when I will be officially done with Math. Statistics, to be more specific. Hey, that sort of rhymed! 3rd November, mark my words. I'd either have a big crap-eating grin throughout the whole day, or just faint from the exhilaration of it all. HAHA. I like using big words. Well, not so big, but slightly larger than average. =3

Anyways!

My Socio paper was on.. Monday afternoon, yes. Hahaha. Whoops. ()=) Hehe. But yeah. My next paper's on Tuesday, I think, and it's EAS 1, which, hopefully, wouldn't be too difficult.

"Pffft, Sherly. You? English? Difficult? That's like saying I'm thin!" HAHA. Sorry Dal, was just teasing. =3 By the way, you're SO not as fat as you think (say, exclaim, declare) you are. =)

The past two weeks or so have been spent mostly in the Student Council Room-and lemme get this out of the way before I get teary-eyed and stuff; I will SO miss this room when we get evicted. Like seriously; how are we gonna adapt ourselves to the outside world once again?! D=-revising, bumming around, and generally just having a lot of fun with some of the Council members. Hehehe.

Like everyone else, I like this picture the best too. =3 Speaks for itself, it does.

Hehe. Pigged out a lot this week as well; thanks to Lynnie for the ice-cream (and chocolate rice, which I devoured absent-mindedly BUT didn't even get remotely high, probably not potent enough) and ourselves for the bright idea of having Jollibee for lunch one day. Which we did. Yesterday. And I had my beef cheeseburger fix, as well as DQ. <3 Hehehe. Ate like, 4 cones of ice-cream but I didn't get sick! WHOO. Poor Chynna though. =3 TEEHEE. I don't think I'll be eating as much ice-cream in the near future, though. That was really a bit too much, even for someone with a sweet tooth like myself.

I'd have a picture of the boy band too, but alas, we've yet to take one together. Or a name. Wait; didn't Dal come up with something?

My memory is haphazard at times, forgive me.

I know I'm supposed to be cramming for Socio...

2010-10-10T12:52:00.000+08:00

... And yet here I am.

I can't bring myself to concentrate, to remember Durkheim and Prout and James and Oakley and James Patrick and Mary McIntosh and Paul Willis and Kingsley Davis and-

The past couple of weeks were... Slightly chaotic, in a sense. It wasn't like I wasn't used to the pandemonium. I've been a student for more than a freaking decade, for heaven's sake. Exams and stress are like, a natural component of my life, even more so now. No, it was more like.. It was as if my thoughts decided to stop being numb and assault me mindlessly, pulling me in directions I didn't know I was capable of going.

Maybe it was due to the fact that I've been constantly told that I'm almost an adult, almost there, almost joining the terrifying world of adulthood. But funny thing was, I've been told this ever since I hit puberty. So does that mean the effect's gone? The so-called excitement and exhilaration of being called an adult, has it faded away?

Of course not. I'm not an idiot.

Just because I'm not working yet doesn't mean my innocence, my ignorance wasn't robbed long, long ago. Heck, I actually DID work before this. And no, it wasn't a family business whatever.

Where was I?

Ah. Being reminded of my entrance into adulthood constantly. Pretty soon, I'll be walking through those gates that so many have walked through, and wonder how far I'll go, how much I'll be able to handle, how deep I'll be strong enough to unearth.

And I wonder again, how much different it will look like seeing things from the other side of the wall.

I remember selling my extra stationery as a kid, just to earn some money to buy the food from the school canteen, so I had to take care of my only two pencils and one eraser and ruler and not lose them if I didn't want to risk my mother's wrath. And then I sold food with little toys in it as I grew older and met those who missed their childhood almost as much as I did and earned some more money. I remember feeling independent and proud, because then I wasn't troubling anyone. I was naive in thinking I'd help everyone, and to an extent, I did. But maybe, maybe I was the one who chipped away some more of that innocence that was hardly me.

And soon, pretty soon, I'll be let loose on the roads. More responsibilities. More expectations. More failures. More successes. Everything doubles, triples in size.

The mantle that I bear grows heavier with each passing day, and only through His grace that the yoke is bearable enough for me to go through today, tomorrow, another day. I'm not Supergirl. I've no cape, and kryptonite does nothing to me, but so many things less powerful brings me to my knees.

I can't be anyone's saviour. I'm not strong enough. I'm not kind enough. I'm not brave enough. I'm not selfless enough.

Let Someone else play the hero of the story.

It is POSSIBLE! =D

2010-09-29T21:31:00.000+08:00

As a tribute to our dear own Sammy Slick, I have finally mustered the effort (not that it required much) to find out HOW on earth do you exactly change a blog address and..

Voilà!

New blog address! And yes, I Googled the word to get the exact spelling. I'm paranoid like that. =D

Anyways! Exams have been ruling my life; not really, but yeah. Been having exams since last week, actually, and I only have Math Mocks before the real thing overwhelms me (again, not really) in.. GASP! Two weeks! =O

Owh dear. No, I did not consume any Coke, you stereotypical people. Please. As if I need a fizzy drink to get high. Or fart. HEHE.

Nah. I just did 4 essays today, and the equivalent of 10 pages. Would have probably done more, except that I keep running out of ideas by the time I hit the 2-page mark when there's about 45 minutes left to go, and I meant that when I'd already finished both questions. Sighs. Sucks being a fast writer, sometimes. Especially when you've been staring at the words for the past 10 minutes and there's still about half an hour to go while everyone's frantically adding more points, scribbling more words and generally panicking about their answers. Sighs. I feel like such a dude sometimes.

Had Socio first of all, last Wednesday, and a bombshell was dropped onto our laps as we crammed Durkheim's theories and Ann Oakley's many feminist views into our heads, announcing our paper 2, which was previously supposed to be yesterday, was moved to the day after our first paper. Sighs. Poor us.

Oh, did I mention we had to write 2 essays for the first paper and 2 data responses for the second one? Yeah, fun that.

But I'd rather go through all that than Math this Monday though. Heh. Yes, my utter dislike for the subject is certainly palpable enough for you to notice. Thank you for sniggering.

ANYWAYS.

Thank God for Korean songs. At least I can't exactly sing along to them while I'm cramming for my exams. Yet. D= Although Brian Joo's cover of Jason Derulo's In My Head was playing nearly the whole time during Lit...

Ah well. I shall go off now and do other stuff more worthwhile than talking about exams and whatnot.

Open Wounds

2010-09-19T15:17:00.001+08:00

A/N: So, I've come up with something angst-filled again. Thank the dear monthly friend for that. And several other factors, but oh well. It's been a while since I wrote something this.. Dark? Emotional? So it was slightly unsettling, which was unnerving in itself. You could say it's practice for EAS, but yes. Hehe. Lemme know what you think, assuming you didn't suffocate yourself from depression after reading this. =P

Disclaimer: As always, mine. Somewhat inspired by Open Wounds, which isn't mine but Skillet's. Other than that, mine. Anyone/thing even attempting to steal or borrow without my permission will suffer from the evisceration of their most prized parts.

It’s your breathing that captures your attention first. Ragged, struggling for calm; each intake of breath is longer, more drawn out than the last, a desperate undertone beneath each of them, stronger every time. You dislike it, dislike how little control you have over yourself. Too inconsistent, too unpredictable. Too weak for you.

Your eyes stare before you, not taking in anything, beyond caring of your surroundings. They’re lighter than mud, but they’re still slightly murky, marred in imperfection and they don’t dart left and right; you don’t let them. You don’t like what little control you have, how much you struggle against showing panic, showing disagreement; showing resentment.

Mouth set in a line, face expressionless except for a small, fake grimace that barely passes off as a smile, you walk amongst them seemingly without intention; yet your purpose is clear in your mind. Don’t break. Don’t you dare bloody break.

Their voices, you know it’s not in your head. They’re real, and you detest its reality. You don’t hate the voices themselves; you can’t. You’re not allowed to, and you won’t cross the limits because your own conscience won’t let you, flawed as it is. The droning, the high-pitched squeals and the unwomanly guffaws envelope you, encasing you in a bind you’re unable to, desperate to escape.

Your body sags, exhausted at the façade you keep up, drained from the emotions you bottle. It’s unhealthy, they say, but they’re not you, are they? They don’t walk in your cheap, knock-off shoes, they don’t face the lies, the delicate layers upon the truth, hear those voices again and again. They’re not breathing hard like you are, their eyes aren’t dilated with the effort to look and not stare instead, nor are their hands jerky, constraining themselves from clenching them into cold fists.

Fury and despise are your foremost emotions; calm and terrifying, threatening to take over you, control you, own you. Deprived of your desire and wants, your self-destruction is close, too close. It’s them who instilled these emotions, the owners of those slightly familiar, happy, taunting voices. They who slash at you and leave the wounds open, bleeding, yet invisible to their own eyes. Perhaps they aren’t aware of it, but they’re not you, are they?

You detest the pain constricting your heart, even more hurtful than those unseen wounds. It squeezes, tighter as you gasp for more air; it feeds on your desperation, your fear and want of the vague familiar fading into a stranger before you.

Revelation slaps you soundly in the face as you realize just how much you want the vaguely familiar to disappear completely. You need them to become strangers, to look at you without any ounce of recognition, because it’s that close, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter which one’s thicker; there’s always something better. That’s what everyone says, right? That’s what the world, the cruel, sick world whispers into every unwilling ear.

At last you’re granted the key out of the bind they keep you in; but you realize there is more than one lock on it, and the key only fits in one. Your mind screams in frustration and agony even as the grip around you is loosened, even as the key is grabbed from you and you’re as helpless as you were before. Even an animal in a cage is able to prowl around in it, while the most you could do is take large a lungful of air every now and then, careful not to overdo it.

All you ever wanted to do was run away, but nothing’s ever easy, is it?

A/N: So.. Not depressed yet? If so, comments are welcome. =)

Home sweet home, soon enough.

2010-09-14T18:15:00.000+08:00

I don't know about everyone else, but it feels real good to be back home, albeit not in my bed just yet, but I always get a little homesick, whether it's just a weekend getaway, or a week. I think it was worst during my YLS trip, but it was manageable, with great company and just taking time away to reflect on everything.

Anyways!

Been away from Brunei for 5 days, on account of the LIKAS Truth or Dare Conference, and it was the first time yours truly has ever set foot in Sabah, let alone Kota Kinabalu itself. The bus ride was... Interesting, for the most part. Hehe. There was a bump or two along the road, but thank the Lord nothing bad really happened. The traffic sort of slowed us down, but again, we got to the condotel in one piece. I'm still doubting whether that's an actual word or not, but owh well. HAHA. Neways; was assigned a room with the sister and the female Puspasanan, along with the young couples and their adorable, yet loud kids. O=) This in turn sort of made us not make so much noise, so it was a pretty quiet apartment during our stay there, all in all. Not that we got to see it much except for the mornings and brief afternoon showers and when we were too exhausted to do anything but sleep at night.

The days consisted of waking up early for breakfast, rehearsals and just getting familiar with the layout of the venue for the concert and the talent show, although things sort of didn't go according to plan and crashing late at night after debriefings and such.

Anyways; the stage was pretty cool, I'd admit. Lights of every colour and the thumping of the bass just made it all the more intoxicating. But like I said, things didn't really happen the way we planned.

The weather was horrible on the evening of the concert; it was literally as if the gates of heaven were open and letting down torrents of rain from above. We prayed fervently, but God probably had other plans, and so the concert was moved indoors, and they who didn't know Him had their first opportunity to enter His house for the very first time, which was pretty cool.

Something else that happened was that our set got abruptly cut, and admittedly we were upset; 6 weeks of hard work had seemingly gone to waste. But in retrospect, it actually fit well with the program for the night. The youths came to know the love of Jesus, and some gave their lives over to Christ during the impromptu change in plans, and that was what we came there for in the first place.

Didn't mean we'd let six weeks of practice go to waste though. ;)

The next night was more.. Tense, for some reason. But everything went well this time; we managed to utilize the outdoor stage, and all its flashy lights, which made everyone felt sort of giddy and sakai. Hehe. The talent show featured some great performances by the local youth, and it sort of made me crave for a good old GMB rockout session. HAHA! We also got to perform the rest of our set before the results were revealed, and yes, I messed up the intro chords badly. =S HAHA. My brain sort of zoned out on me from exhaustion and, yeah. Hehe. (A) Apparently no one heard it though, so it's all good. Mehe.

The rest of trip was filled with meals, a few shopping sessions (unsatisfying, but just enough), and swimming (for some) and gym-ing (for others) and naps (for the rest). Hehe. I had Burger King for the first time ever! HAHA. It's good, yes. I thought the burgers were bigger; as in, the normal ones. =P But it was delicious and satisfying enough. =D Now, Subway next! HAHA.

The bus ride home was smoother; lesser stops as well. We only stopped in Limbang for lunch, and I remember why I prefer Sugar Bun compared to KFC there. Heh. Other than that, the journey home was alright. Slept some of the way, tried to during the rest but failed. Ah well.

Finally touched down at St. Andrew's Cathedral (I mean, Church *snickers*) at about 5pm in the afternoon and again, it's good to be back.

Of kindness, chaos and all the irrelevant stuff.

2010-09-02T15:05:00.001+08:00

I'm super happy I got to skip school today. =D It's been too long since I've been able to snuggle in bed until noon. Sigh. In retrospect, it might not have been the best decision, but when you're sick of getting up so friggin' early and collapsing at night due to mental and physical exhaustion, I don't suppose you'd much rather do anything else but lie down in bed for extended periods of time.

Anyways. Holidays are HERE!

But it wouldn't be much of a holiday, as usual. Haha. I mean, really. The only holidays I usually get to enjoy being a couch potato (or bed potato, whatever) are the December holidays. That is, besides Christmas Carolling, visiting or inevitable chores. ~~And~~ That's usually the case, anyways. Oh! And writing. Gosh, I miss writing. =( I haven't been able to do it as much as I'd like to, and I know I'm severely out of practice. T.T Sighs. Who'd ever thought?

But yes. Hopefully I won't totally lose it.

I'm psyched for the upcoming holidays. Nervous, anxious too. Haha. And exams are right after the holidays, which means.. Not so much downtime in the midst of the hustle and bustle. Even if I can concentrate anyways. Mostly worried about my Math, and Lit. And Socio. Yeah, I'm worried about everything. There's.. A lot to remember, sink in and there's not a lot of time to cram everything I know in my already cramped brain. I'm just hoping my grades are good enough so I won't have to take June's again. Meh.

On another note, I'd SO hug anyone who'd get me this for a birthday or Christmas present. =D

The reviews, the book trailer.. Gosh, this has gotten me (and many, many others) friggin' impatient for its contents. Ted Dekker has to be one of my favourite authors, of all time. I know I'm gushing like a fangirl, but his books are amazing. Really. This book down here started it all.

Teehee. Owh! And these two books would be very greatly appreciated as well. =D

One of the best Christmas pressies I can imagine. 8) Besides my own laptop. And guitar effects, but yeah. Hehe.

And until here. I haven't done any studying at all today and I'm supposed to be looking up Socio past year questions and slaving over Math past year papers. Sighs. Until next time, then.

Guided by hope.

2010-08-21T16:47:00.002+08:00

It's been a while, hasn't it?

Anyways. Life has been ~~hectic~~ ~~busy~~ ~~chaotic~~... Rather strenuous, actually. A myriad of beehives-humming and buzzing in one's ear. And everywhere else, really. And I already feel like a (cute!) tiny old grandma, stooped and staring at everything that's bigger and brighter than I am. And I might have mentioned this before, but I'd so go for a full body massage right now; I've got kinks and knots in places I bet forty-year-old women would never even possess. O.O Sighs. Christmas gift, anyone?

School has been.. Alright, I guess. Haven't lost the will to study, as of yet, and for that I'm really glad. Math is.. An exception, but I'll get around to it eventually. Mehe. On the bright side, I finished going through one whole unit of Sociology in 5 days! =D AND I went through about 5 or 6 poems. Heh. I did a few questions on Math, but that was it. =S Gosh. And mocks are in 4 weeks? Not too far away. @.@

And I've had many, many practices for the past two weeks. My head's constantly filled with chords and actions and counts, and it gets annoying, really. To the point where I can't sleep at night because I'm always thinking, always remembering, and I'm a cranky zombie the next day at school. The shadows underneath my eyes are getting darker, and my grey hair are now white and abundant. Highlights, I ask you. Sighs.

When 12.11.10 finally rolls around, I'll be the happiest girl alive for this year alone.

Just gonna stand there and watch;

2010-08-11T18:00:00.000+08:00

So.

I don't feel like blogging about how my week was, because it was crazy hectic as usual and I don't feel like being usual today. I don't even feel like thinking back how the week went, not because it was that bad, but because it flew in a blur, yet it felt long and stretched, just like how I feel right now. Stretched and limp. I wonder when I'll reach that point when I've gone over my elasticity and I'm just standing limply because I can't stretch backwards anymore.

I've always wondered what's on the other end of a rainbow.

I want my old fringe back. It was easier to keep a poker face back then.

I haven't done any cross-stitching in ages. It was.. Too tedious. Too meticulous. I liked the outcome, the sense of pride and relief, but I guess I just haven't got the patience. Nor the time.

I've always wanted to go to Ireland. Hear the accent for real; maybe even buy a leprechaun's hat for a memento or something.

I've to get new strings for my guitar. Heh.

I wanna go shopping. To be able to buy without worrying if it's too expensive, or if I've bought too much. I wanna clean out my wardrobe and get some new things. New shirts, new skirts, new dresses; heck, bring on the new underwear, I say.

I miss writing. A lot.

I miss just being.

HALLO AH.

2010-08-07T22:51:00.000+08:00

Hehehe. Sorry about the title; the friend has reared its ugly head once again and I am forced to expostulate my randomness in some other way. =D

Anyways; I don't wanna be here for long. I've been here for too long already, so yeah. HAHA. I was just going through a friend's blog and I found this.

When you're at that stage where you're going to face the crossroads of your life, you don't overlook something like this easily. Even if it's some questionnaire; a social construction of the simplest kind. But hey, a desperado does what she can, no?

So anyways. If you still haven't clicked that link, it's a sort of questionnaire to determine which courses would suit your interests the best. It's UCAS, by the way, so some of the courses would probably not be available here. Just saying. Hehe.

After careful deliberation, the site has concluded that my suitable courses would be:

1. International Studies
2. Education
3. English/Literary Studies
4. Communication
5. Ancient History
6. Drama/Theatrical
7. Philosophy &Theology
8. Media/Radio/TV/Film
9. Psychology

This.. Is not unusual. HAHAHA. Yeaps. No Science, whatsoever. =D So yes. I already know I wanna be, anyways, sort of. This was just for fun. And for the sake of doing it. =P

Like I said, this is a short one. And I shall end now. Nights, peeps.

An attempt; to be.

2010-08-03T21:13:00.000+08:00

A/N: It's been a while. =) Since we haven't done monologues in EAS yet, I decided to give it a try. Lemme know what you think.

Disclaimer: Mine. Anyone/thing even attempting to steal shall be haunted in their dreams by flying lizards and ten-foot spiders.

   Kayla has just gotten back from school; she drops her bag in a silent thump on the floor as she turns around to face the window. She walks towards the clear glass, barely seeing her reflection in the afternoon light.

   "You've gone and done it again, haven't you?"

   "They don't see you anymore. It's your fault, isn't it? It's your fault for wanting to, in the first place. It's your fault, for agreeing so quickly-for not thinking through. Not that you always have. You were always rushing through, always running, always looking at the sun instead of the small, twinkling stars almost wrapping themselves around you.

   "But those stars-isn't the sun a star as well, you say. And you're right. It's one massive ball of fire dumped right there; where you can see it. But you can never touch it, can you?

   "They say you're not you anymore. Even your shadows change, the way you walk isn't the same now, is it? You talk different, they say. They look at you differently, too. You act different-like you've gone and swallowed everything new and now it's showing, displaying, glaring harshly at them."

   Kayla walks closer to the window, and her reflection disappears, leaving her to stare at the pathway leading away from her front door.

   "They didn't know, though. Didn't know how much you tried. They weren't there when your smile was fake and your laughter shrill. They never saw your skinned heart, ripped at the seams and crumbling, crumbling so slowly.

   "You tried. You really did; smiling and giggling politely. Even though that wasn't you. Even though all you wanted to do was grit your bloody teeth and wish to God it was all over, that all you dreamed of was that old you that they keep talking about, that old shell you've discarded for a new one, that faded reflection in the window.

   "They couldn't believe how fast, how much you've absorbed. It's like you were here, and then, you were gone. At least, that's what they think, even if they don't say. You could see it in their eyes, hear them whispering in their heads. That's when you wished you didn't know them as much as they didn't know you."

   "Yeah, you've done it again. It's not the first time this happened-not the first reflection that slithered away. No, of course not. You're not a Bunburyist, but you definitely don't live an earnest life. And there you go again.

   "But you can't say you didn't want this. You did; you really, really did. You wanted to absorb, you wanted to throw, you craved that newness, that refreshing breath of air. Because you were stifled for so very long; because you were finally, finally on familiar ground. Though the flowers be different and the sun now sets on your right, at least you recognise the slopes, the little lakes, the tiny clearing just beyond the horizon.

   "Maybe they don't like the new you because you're more opinionated now. You're louder, gentler, more open. Maybe they don't like seeing all those emotions from you-maybe they've got too much of their own and it's just too much for them to deal with, the strangeness of it all."

   Kayla steps back, and the reflection comes back, albeit slightly distorted and discoloured. She stands, slightly slumped, but she stares at the outside world still, expressionless except for her dark, swirling eyes.

   "I wonder if they think you're ugly now. That you not being you anymore disgusts them, makes them rethink twice about themselves. Makes them wonder if they'll do like you'll do, even if they vehemently protest against it. Makes them realise that nothing's infallible.

   "Maybe they see those parts of you that're still you, and that's why they still welcome you with open arms. Perhaps they stand out a little more, now that you're not really you anymore. Little Horcruxes, they be. Parts of your soul. Only, is it really that broken?"

A/N: As I said, lemme know what you think. =)

Mended; in remission.

2010-07-25T15:59:00.000+08:00

And hello again. =)

Hehe. I feel like blogging in colour today, to celebrate me blogging again after a long while. And it HAS been a long while, hasn't it? Longer to some people, I bet. ;) I just haven't had the time, nor the inspiration to sit down and type what's been happening in my life, right now, I guess. Owkay, more like I haven't had the time. I've just.. Been busy, I guess. Like, crazy busy. Practices and meetings have eaten up almost all the time I have besides normal school lessons (come to think of it, during school lessons as well) and.. It's just been hectic, all in all.

What ARE these things that have been keeping me busy, you say? Well, there were church practices for Youth Sunday (which is today), and practices for Tim and Ya Chee's wedding (still can't believe they're already married! =O SO happy for you two =)), and meetings of various kinds at school. Well, namely MPP meetings, but yeah. Haha. And honestly, last week wasn't really my best week. I got irritable more easily, and my short-tempered self became shorter-tempered with things. And I was exhausted, I guess. Haha. I'm glad the school workload isn't as demanding as it was in MS, but there's that temptation to just let things slide once in a while as well, especially with the subjects I'm taking right now. The ones I'm finally compatible with; well, besides Math, anyways. HAHA. =P

But yeah. I guess the stress has made MORE white hair come out. =S And zits as well. Heh. I'm glad I gave up on the notion that I'd ever be NOT busy a long time ago-best to not live in denial, really. And I like being busy, anyways. Gives me something to do, not be idle. Weird words for a lazy bum like yours truly, but it's not everyday you see someone so contradictory, no? ;) Besides, it solidifies my claim that I'm not just special; I'm VERY special. HAHA.

And after this, I've to get my butt off my bed, and arrange files and papers and whatnot, and let go of the self-imposed (owkay, not so self-imposed, but I like to think that I've some control left =P) reprieve and get going again. But maybe, maybe not too fast this time.

=).

Since someone's being majal about my lacking posts..

2010-07-09T16:38:00.000+08:00

Hallo, peeps. =D

It's been a while since I've blogged about my not-really-that-mundane life, and well, life's been pretty hectic. Had my second APR, which is like, topical tests, and gosh, AS is really friggin' near, isn't it? =S Haha! Didn't do well for Math, but that's to be expected. HAHA. Just hoping for the rest of my subjects to be better. =| Sighs. And MPP stuff is piling up as well, especially now with school events and such. It's all good; I mean, it's not like I'm a stranger to busyness and all that. Form 4 has to be the craziest, though. O.O Haha! Sighs. That was a mad year, I have to say.

Anyways. PTEK had a Jogathon yesterday, among other things like Malay Debate and things. Hahaha. So happy I didn't get to jog. =D But I got darker anyways. T.T Sighs. Things were slightly hectic at first, as always, but things got easier after that. Hehe. Checkpoint 4 people are awesome people. =D Secretary Union! =D HAHA! If only Dalvina or John (John? Jon? David John? Mamduh? HAHAHA! =P) would read this. Sighs. =( Ah well. Hehe. =P But yeah. It was a good day to be in school yesterday. =)

I miss Kiko and Nazura. =( All the best to you two in your respective schools, and take care, dears. =) ELT L2 and PS 1 won't be the same without you people.

Anyways. Had an MPP dinner last night at Capers, and well, I'm still smiling. The dinner was crazy, and reminiscent of our MPP meeting. =S HAHA. Trust the Hashim sisters to elevate the decibels to ear-ringing heights. =S Crazy. SO glad I got stuck on the other end of the table with the quieter, but not less crazy guys. HAHA. At least they weren't squealing every three minutes. =S Hahahaha! But yeah. The food was expensive though. =S HAHA. They were delicious, but still. I think we should so eat at a fast food restaurant next time. Hehehe. Or, or! Nasi Katok by the side of the road. ;) HAHAHA!

And I haven't forgotten this. =)

Thanks, for everything. For being there. For not letting me wallow in depression for too long. For being honest, and being superbly patient. For a smile, a laugh, a hug whenever I needed them. For encouraging words, for crazy times. It hasn't been long, but it's definitely been one heck of a ride. =) It was unexpected, but definitely not unwelcome. =)

And thanks, everyone else. =)

Just that.

2010-07-03T17:44:00.001+08:00

She's sitting in the passanger seat, eyes closed, exhausted. It's been a long, taxing day. Her hair's a crow nest, her stomach's grumbling and she's a bit pissed that she hasn't got a comb around.

Funny, really, how she forgets all that with a few words on that small screen.

Back to.. Everything, really.

2010-06-28T22:51:00.000+08:00

   It's been a week since the second term holidays ended, and it feels exactly as if a week's gone by. Maybe less, but it feels longer somehow. Maybe I've just been too busy? Haha. I think I've to get used to sleeping less than six hours per night every night now. New responsibilities, more sacrifices. Same old story. More wishes of how I could drive already. Hehehe. I mean, honestly. If it's the same old problem of transport, I hope it'll all be resolved by this time next year. =S HAHAHA. But really. Sighs.

   Anyways. Had MPP stuff last Thursday and Saturday, and it really reminded me of the days in MS, back in Form 4 and earlier this year. The rush, the chaos, the frustration, and really, sometimes I dunno why I joined all the fun again in PTEK, but. I liked it. The chaos, the rush, the frustration, everything. Okay, not EVERYTHING, but I find amusement in odd and bizarre ways. HEHE. >=) And I miss doing announcements! Haha! I like the PA system at PTEK. SO cool. =D Hehehehe. I wouldn't mind doing announcements more. Mehehehehehehe. =P Missed a couple of classes on Saturday, but it's all good. Hahaha.

   And then there was T.U.G in the afternoon, which was.. A bit disorganised, but still good. I wished I could've play Human Foosball (sp? =S). Really looked like loads of fun. D= Hehehehehe. Never mind. Next time. >=) HAHA. And I am SO not throwing away those flags. SOO sayang. =S I spent two nights working until after midnight for them. =S HAHAHA.

   I cut my hair too. HAHAHA. SO many mixed reactions. =P Hehehe.

   We went back to Tutong yesterday, since it was my grandpa's third death anniversary or something like that. It didn't feel that long though. But somehow it seemed longer as well, as if it happened eons ago but I still can remember. I'm just upset I don't remember as much as I should, as I want to. I'm upset I practically didn't talk to him at all. That all I have to remember of him is his shuffling gait, the way he and my Dad could talk for hours on end, and how he'd smile a nearly toothless grin whenever we salam-ed his wrinkled, shaky hand. To think I could've, would've, should've, but didn't. Is it possible to miss someone you barely knew? That you never really talked to? That you wished you could've done more for?

   I guess it IS possible, because I really do miss you, Ni. 80 years. You didn't even get to see any of your grandchildren get married. You didn't even get to see every one of your kids get married, get more kids to fill the old house. Heck, you didn't even get to see the old house being renovated.

   I'm glad the family's still strong together, though. We're all far from perfect, but as corny as it sounds, we've still got each other. And I'm grateful for that; for the fact that I've still got aunties and uncles and crazy, amazing cousins and it reminds me of old times when we used to run around in the yard, chasing each other and being naive and blissfully ignorant.

   I guess I outgrew that phase; too fast, maybe. Maybe that's why I didn't spend more time with you. Maybe me being too busy chasing my dreams made me forget. Or maybe I just didn't try hard enough.

   I wonder what would happen if I did.

This is the end...

2010-06-19T11:31:00.000+08:00

Of sleeping at 3am and waking up at 11am for a very long time. HAHAHA. Gosh. Hallo, peeps. =D It's usually too early for me to be perky and I've got a slight headache as well but since it's the second last day of hols, I figured I should be a happy bunny. For today. Then I can moan about impending homework and tests tomorrow. Hehehehehe. =P

In any case, the holidays have been really good, actually. I got to watch two movies;

And

Which, by the way, was pretty awesome. =) Hehehe. And to think I nearly didn't get the tickets =S HAHAHAHA. Gosh. @.@ But yes. It was good, so good until my baby sister went into shock watching it. O.O HAHA. I mean, when you're used to her chattering away ALL the time, it was pretty weird seeing her practically shutting up throughout the whole night.

SPOILER ALERT!

I wished Woody had more scenes though. =/ Hahahaha. And yeah, I guess it was kinda heavy, what with the theme of moving on and all that gangster stuff. HAHAHA. =P But they were still the toys I grew up, the same humour, and gosh, Rex is just too cute! HAHAHAHA! And Slinky! And Bullseye! I realised I'm just naming animals ()=) Hehehe. But they're just too cute, y'know? And I cried watching the scene where they were holding hands just before they nearly got incinerated, and the part where Andy gave Woody away. Sighs. All in all, it was awesome.

Um, end of spoiler alert?

HAHAHA. I slept over at Jo's place last Tuesday as well, since she's about to leave and all ='( And I just realised, WE NEVER TOOK A PHOTO TOGETHER. =.=" HAHA. It's always either you or me behind the camera. Sighs. At least, I don't have a recent photo of us together. HAHAHA. We basically hung out, baked chocolate fudge brownies and scones (SO GOOD) and watched Toy Story 3 together. Hahaha. AND cried over Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs together too! T.T I'm super glad I watched it. =) And The Vampire's Assistant too. Hahaha. It was okay, I guess. Hehehehe. =P

And I know you don't read my blog, Jo, but I WILL miss you and your craziness. I really think we get it from our Dads' side, despite what mine says about my Mom's side. =.=" HAHA. I mean, have you seen our uncles and aunties when they get hyper?! HAHAHA. Gosh. Chaos. @.@ I'm grateful we didn't stray apart when we got older =). We had loads of hectic, mad times when we were kids, didn't we? Playing in the bouncers, taunting our uncle's pet monkey, running around in our late grandpa's yard, fighting bullies.. ;) I've got a crate of memories of us just talking and sleeping over each other's houses as it is. And now you're off and chasing your dreams of fashion design. =) We've always been near opposites, but I guess that's what made us close. All the best in Singapore, cousin. =)

Rights. Mushy and cheesy time over. Hahahaha. Besides all the fun, there was the usual KOOL, YDM and a couple of meetings, making the holidays quite productive, even if it wasn't in terms of schoolwork. ()=) HAHA. =P AND I got to relieve some of my withdrawal symptoms ;) Even if it was for a really short few hours. =) Thanks. =)

Hehehe. I finished my Socio homework! =D HAHAHA. BUT I've still got my file to sort out and Math as well. T.T Sighs. Sweet procrastination. =P Owh well. Thank God Sunday is free. I think. I hope. =S

In any case, I should shower and eat. Like, now. HAHAHA.

Cyou, peeps.

So far.

2010-06-12T11:07:00.000+08:00

   I am grateful for the holidays. Really, I am. I needed a break, a good long one. Catch up on some reading, some writing. Hang out with people, not waking up at 5am in the morning anymore.

   And in the process of couch potato-ing myself, I've become severely disorganised. Like, seriously. I've always been slightly harebrained, but this? This is atrocious. Extremely. Completely unacceptable. And can you see how I'm having fun bolding a couple of letters and making them a size bigger than the rest? =D

   HAHAHAHA. In any case, I've missed using my dear ol' planner/diary/memo-like book thingy.

My trusty ol' free BIBD book.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. =P

But yeah. I sort of miss writing, as in, writing using an actual pen and not merely jotting down ideas and snippets of random stuff. And I miss putting down lists of 'What-to-do' everyday. A tad obsessive, but as I've said, I'm harebrained by nature (I blame this on my Dad =P) and I'd be completely lost without some sort of guide or something. =S

Anyways. I think I've lost the whole point of my post, so forgive me. Hehe. Owh right. Holidays. HAHA. Gosh. Prime example of why I SHOULD be keeping that book up there close to me at all times. @.@ Gosh. But in any case, holidays have been good to me. I mean, nothing's perfect, and it could be slightly better, but I don't feel like complaining so much now. Hahaha.

One more week, and it's back to that institution! I'm glad I moved. =) But you know that doesn't mean I don't miss getting high with you people. =P Hehehehe. I'm not looking forward to lessons, though. Sighs. AS exams are coming up sooner than ever (YES, it's coming up soon, and I'm hyperventilating as I type, which isn't possible, but then again, it IS me, so pretty much anything's possible =P) and I HAVE to revise. Soon. =S Meh.

I don't like revising. Mehehe.

I should really be getting back to my Socio. O=) HAHA! Two. More. Questions. =S And then Socio filing. Hopefully. And then. YDM. =D=D

I'm getting randomer, so I should stop. Like. Now. Hehehe.

Bye bye, peeps.

A different perspective.

2010-06-09T22:55:00.000+08:00

A/N: This isn't totally accurate; it might actually be the furthest thing from the truth. Regardless, enjoy anyways. ;)

Disclaimer: Mine, suckers.

__________|

Calm down. Deep breaths.

This was his mantra, his foremost thoughts as he walked around the bright, familiar building, waiting patiently. He wondered how long would it be until his patience dwindled though; it was slightly past the allocated time and she hadn’t-

Text message.

He raised his eyebrow at the not-too-clear message, and replied, before everything dawned on him and he realized that-

Her next text confirmed everything, and he tore himself away from whatever he was looking at, gathering whatever remaining wits he had, as he strolled, trying not to look nervous, to remind himself it was just her and some strangers and there was really nothing to it, but the fact that she was there seemed to change everything anyway.

He looked up and saw her, as well as a familiar face and a couple of non-familiar ones. He wasn’t surprised to see she was the smallest one there, and chuckled silently at the thought. He wondered briefly what she’d tell the others if they started asking questions, before seeing that smile and he smiled back, still on edge but at least, at least she was here. With him.

The introductions were slightly awkward, and she seemed apprehensive, and he knew everything was new to her, but she grinned anyways and soon he was nodding and smiling at the people she had grown up with, the people she had left behind in favour of paving her own path. They seemed nice enough, he decided. Different, definitely. There were a few girls that were friendly enough to make small talk and his apprehension eased as well. Somewhat.

He felt out of place with the amount of estrogen surrounding him though, and he stayed back, at the back of the giggling, chattering crowd. She stayed with him too, joking a little, smiling a lot, and he was glad he could see that smile today. She was beginning to be less reserved as well, more open, more, well, herself, he guessed, and he was thankful for that too. He didn’t like it when she hid things from it, didn’t want her to doubt him anymore.

The awkwardness level rose though when they sat for lunch and he shook his head, wishing she brought a few guy friends along as well, because, it was, literally, a 10 to 1 situation and never had he felt more outnumbered.

“I’m hungry.” He chuckled at her predictability and relished in the chance to tease her again and again, and he laughed at her pout and eye-rolling, eating off her food anyway and grimacing at the taste, before taking another bite.

He saw how close and how unique her friendship was with that one particular girl though, and he smiled inside, glad to know that someone was keeping an eye out for her as well. The dark-skinned girl seemed a bit odd though, but then again, the petite figure beside him wasn’t like many people he’d met too. Maybe that was why they complimented each other so well.

As they got up and walked towards the other end of the floor, he wondered, not for the first time, whether this place was really all there was to this country. He’d lost count of the many familiar faces he’d encountered, as well as the polite waves and greetings he gave and received during the hour and a half he’d spent there.

Suddenly, more familiar faces swarmed around them and he raised an eyebrow, before wondering if they’d pick up what he was doing here with her. He wasn’t exactly the closest person with her around them, after all. But he screwed logic and smiled anyway, letting the curiosity on their faces play for a little while longer.

“The movie’s about to start; why don’t both of you go first? I’ll wait for the rest.”

He nodded his okay and chuckled at her admitted cluelessness, before leading both of them inside the dark hall, pleased to find that they had gotten the good seats at the back. The screen flashed pictures after pictures in succession and soon her friends started trailing in. He was mortified at their profound ability to be blunt as well as oblivious though, laughing helplessly at the embarrassing question posed at them and the stares they received. Not long after everyone else arrived and he settled in his seat, intent on enjoying the movie.

He watched the screen without paying much attention to anything else but her, and halfway through the show he deliberated whether-but she was sitting too still though, as if she was uncomfortable with something but still trying to hide it as she leaned back in her seat, concentrating as well.

He saw out of the corner of his eye, her talking with the people to her left, but he didn’t think much, too engrossed by the movie as well as the urge to just-

She placed her arm on the armrest, effectively slightly leaning against him. He grinned at the warmth, but still hesitated.

Gosh, this is cheesy.

Finally, somewhere towards the end, when her posture wasn’t too rigid, he laid his head on her shoulder, grinning idiotically to himself. She relaxed a moment after and his grin grew wider as she leaned back against him slightly, and they watched the remainder of the story, just like that.

They walked around with the rest afterwards, and he raised his eyebrows at exactly how weird and unfathomable her friendship with her best friend and he stepped back, just so he wouldn’t feel like a pole anymore. Which was difficult to do, when she was a whole head shorter.

He regretted how fast the day ended though, and when he had to go, he gave her a half-smile before hugging her tightly, just slightly longer than usual, already missing her, no matter how ridiculous it sounded. She hugged him back just as hard, and he knew she wouldn’t hesitate to say the same as well.

And he waved to the rest and left, sighing softly to himself.

|____________

A/N: I TRIED to make it not as cheesy as before. No worries, an emo one-shot will be coming up soon. ;) Hehe. In the meantime, comments, you know where my tagboard is. =P

Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees.

2010-06-05T00:20:00.000+08:00

Hahaha. Westlife's Seasons In The Sun has been playing in my head for a while now, courtesy of Dad's 70s-90s current music in his car. =P I'm not complaining though; I mean, who else goes to school rocking out Bon Jovi's It's My Life, like, nearly everyday? Or As Long As You Love Me by Westlife? OR Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park?

HAHAHA. Yeah, Dad and I share similar music taste. Hehe. =P

Anyways. Just a short update on life; mine, that is. Hahaha. =P

It's school holidays, baby! =D HAHAHA. Yeah, I need a break, like seriously. But, well, yeah, I miss school. Not exactly the studying, but like, certain aspects, you know? The people, really. Hahaha. Some more than most. ;) HAHA. Owkays, I shall stop there. =P But I'm super happy it's a longer break this time; gosh, the March holidays were hardly restful at all. Actually, they weren't. =.= HAHAHA. I so hope I won't get as sick as I did then in the near future. =|

Yesterday was a good 'last-day-of-the-term' day. Hehe. =P Classes ended up at break (for me and several others=P) and well, it was good. Hahaha. I played football! 8) Haha! With Ika and Hafidzon and his friends. Hehe. =P Haven't played for SO long, man. I think the last time I played, was, what, three years ago? Hahaha. And thing is, I'm sort of aggressive, but I'm those polite type of players-the ones that would apologise when they hit a knee or an elbow or something. And I hit several knees and I think I nearly tripped someone over too. O.O HAHAHA. Gosh. @.@

Played some Frisbee as well; tossing and catching and all that. Hehe. My tossing still sucks though. =| HAHA. =P Ah well.

I was cajoling my Dad to go watch Robin Hood since last week and yesterday I talked to him again and we watched it today! =D HAHAHA! Was supposed to go at noon but the banks took a while longer than expected (as usual) so we ended up watching it in the afternoon instead. Hehe. And now that I've watched it, I'm itching to get my hands on some more stuff about Robin Hood and King Arthur. It's been a LONG while since I dug up any of those stuff. Last I read about Arthur was, what, two years ago? Gosh. Don't even talk about Robin Hood. Hahaha. But yeah. I shall.. When I finally have time and I'm not too lazy. Hehe. =P

It's the second day of holidays now, and I'm stoked, really. Have got several plans which I'm hoping won't get screwed, and well, a toast to the best second term holidays we could have, eh? ;)

=).

2010-05-30T23:27:00.001+08:00

A/N: So I've been on a happy/emo/depressed/hyper mode today, courtesy of Coke, Ruffles, chocolates, yogurt sticks and withdrawal symptoms, and I need something to cheer me up. Somewhat. Haha. And.. This might be the cheesiest thing that I've ever done, but like a wise turtle said, even the cheesiest things have an ounce of truth in them. Something like that. HAHA. =P

Rights. In any case, hope you enjoy this one. =)

Disclaimer: Yeah, it's mine. No, you can't have it.

   "You're such an idiot sometimes." She giggles, shaking her head in disbelief at his antics. She giggles again, knowing she isn't a giggler and the fact that he's the only one who makes her giggle like this causes her to shake her head harder.

   "I'm a wise fool, Anna. There's a difference." He raised his eyebrows suggestively, and grins at her laughter. He feels the urge to whoop and jump all at once, but he doesn't want to look stupid. He's smiling idiotically anyways, and he knows it's giving him away, but he can't help it.

   She rolls her eyes, still smiling. That's all she's been doing lately, and her cheeks hurt, but it's a happy kind of hurt, and she doesn't mind it much.

   "You been paying attention in class then?" She teases, smirking now.

   "I'm in a position of authority, Anna. I have to show some example," Shane retorts, grinning. "Besides, he's not so bad. His sarcasm's hilarious."

   "When it's not directed at you," Anna snaps, shuddering at recent recollections.

   He guffaws at the expression on her face, and she wrinkles her nose in silent reply.

   Shane snorts this time, before smiling softly at the smaller girl with the shoulder-length hair and silly grin. He can't help but smile, he knows. This just makes his smile bigger and his heart lighter.

   "If there's something on my face, you can just tell me, you know," Anna says wryly, a half-smirk on her face now.

   "Well, there's a pair of eyes, now that you've mentioned it," he answers cheekily, avoiding the expected swat on his arm. "And a nose, and I guess that's a mouth, but it's pouting too much, so I can't really tell."

   "Smartass."

   "I like you."

   She blushes, and looks away bashfully.

   "I like you too."

   And they smile again.

A/N: AAAAH. Okays. Gosh. That IS cheesy. Sighs. I'll reciprocate with an emo one next time. Just to counter-balance things. In any case, don't hesitate in telling me how bad this piece is. Tagboard's to your ~~righ~~ left. Hehe. =P

My bum hurts.

2010-05-23T18:02:00.000+08:00

Hehehe. I've been sitting on the floor for, what, two hours now? The things I do to avoid cleaning my forsaken desk. Sighs. Ah well. At least I'm sitting on my poor sleeping bag. Hehehehe. =P

Anyways.

Life's been as lively as it can be, I guess. More things to do and explore, and I have yet to be attacked by the so-called mad bird of PTEK, but I've got a year and half, I guess. Maybe. Well, nothing's for sure, isn't it?

Rights. My brain's slightly scattered, so forgive me if my post doesn't make much sense at times. I just feel... Too content. I don't like feeling too content; it's like, I feel too stagnant and too bum-ish and I can't be bothered to get up and roll myself out of the bed and-

Okays, I'll stop that right there. It's not that I'm not happy; I really, really am. Well, usually, anyways. It's either I'm happy or I'm emo. Somehow those two odd sides of me decided to gang up and catch me unawares and I'm swinging sideways, sideways and the vine looks as rough as it did on Tarzan, but it's a happy kind of hurt and I don't mind, not really.

I'm happy because... I've got a semi-permanent idiotic smile that makes me look like a loon but I don't really care, because it makes me really happy. And it's so new and I'm terrified for the first time but I'm persevering. You can tell I've been listening to Terrified by Katherine McPhee a bit =P; go listen to her! She sounds awesome. =D

And I'm emo because.. Well, when am I NOT emo, really? Not that that's all there is to me, but it's my most infamous state of mind, and the most helpful too, at times. Hahaha. =P Helps me churn good stories when I need and want to.

But yeah. Last week was the Adau Gayoh festival thingy at some warehouse place in Tutong and.. I guess it was good. Knowing I had some pretty old relatives. I wonder if I'm related to that over one hundred years old grandma? HAHA! =P It was friggin' hot, though. Gosh. And I was in a baju kurung as well. Heh. Poor baju kurung got ruined in the mud, though. ='( HAHAHA. =P

I missed out on the beach too! Sighs. =( Wish I could've gone. Though I'm glad I didn't get a sunburn like nearly everyone else though. HAHA! =P Owh well. Next time, if there is one. =)

Besides that.. School's been school. Well, PTEK's been PTEK. Hahaha. It's.. Definitely different from MS. And I've definitely changed, a little bit, or a lot, depending on how you see me. But I've still got the bits of Sherly from MS. The don't-mess-with-me-unless-you-want-your-ass-or-knees-kicked, for one. The bookworm bit, which, let's face it, will NEVER be erased. Hehehe. =P And the fact that I roll my sleeves higher than my elbows. Hahaha! Owh, and that I STILL study last minute. Sighs. That can't be changed, I guess. Hehehe.

But there are some bits, that have changed. I sorta expected that, but I haven't really figured out which parts. Maybe I show my emotions more? Maybe it's harder for me to keep up a mask when I need to, want to? Maybe, maybe I just-

Owh, and there's something that hasn't really changed about me too.

I constantly whine about my hunger. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Poor PTEK-ians. HAHAHA.

I guess I've exhausted whatever randomness I have for this post. Hehehe. 'Til next time then. ;)

And to feel-

2010-05-18T17:36:00.000+08:00

A/N: Just something I jotted down in Math yesterday. =) It's been a LONG while since I've gotten anything emo done, and yesterday morning was.. I dunno. Maybe you'll get it, maybe you won't. Hahaha. But, why not, while I'm at it?

Disclaimer: Mine, greedy vultures. All mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   She read the text message again, eyes slower this time, ears listening, heart speeding.

   She wanted to ask why, why this had to happen. But she didn't, of course. She was one who accepted easily under nearly every circumstance. Why should this be any different?

   But it was. She flipped her phone shut and stuffed it in her pocket, fingers fidgeting, teeth gnawing her bottom lip. Anxiety pummeled her that moment, and she had never hated it as much as she did then. She was a fighter, a survivor, but she was in unchartered territory. She didn't recognise this place.

   Faith. Faith was holding her up, leading her by the hand but she wanted to take off the blindfold, wanted to know where faith was leading her now. She needed faith, but she wasn't sure if faith needed her, and she was frightened, so terrified.

   But she held on. Because she believed. Because she was a believer. Because, otherwise, she'd have nothing, nothing to clutch, to grasp, to hang on for dear life right now. She glanced at the text message again, taking it in, taking it all in. The words, his voice, his worry and rage; it was hers, whether he wanted it to be or not.

   She smiled when she saw him, a couple of minutes, hours, days later, but he didn't see it, didn't see the smile and she turned away, laughing hollowly with someone else. To ask or to stay back; she wrestled, wrestled violently and received scars and bruises instead. She smiled, more timidly this time, and he returned it, and somehow it just made her heart break that tiny bit more.

   But she was a fighter, a survivor. She was also lost, scared and worried. But at least, at least she was there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: End. Hope you liked it. Criticisms, you know where my tagboard is. Hehe. =P

Just.. Bits and pieces.

2010-05-13T21:48:00.000+08:00

I had fun playing and laughing and walking in the rain today. HEHE.

Yeaps, I was barefoot too. And freezing. And had prune-like toes. Hehehe. =P

But in any case. I... Don't really have much to update about. Life's been good, ~~I guess~~ and I'm grateful for that. =) More homework, but it's Form 6 life, so it's expected, I guess. And the crapping through essays go through another cycle again; only, for two extra subjects this time. Mehehehe. =P And.. I'm coping in Math. Surprisingly. Hahaha. =P

I get really sleepy nowadays, though. Like, I literally nearly fell asleep during Sociology this morning and only my teacher's message jolted me awake =.=" Thanks, Sir. HAHA. But yeah. I guess I'm just tired? Heh. Owh, speaking of tired.. May is Adao Gayoh (I THINK it's the correct spelling) month, and every Sunday since the week before last have been and will be filled with visitations, ceremonies and just plain ol' catching up with the extended family, and possible meeting new possible family members. ;)

Hehe. Besides that.. I haven't got much to say, really. =)

P.S:

As much as I'm enjoying this...

I miss this too.

And to think. =)

2010-05-07T12:39:00.000+08:00

And no, this isn't the one-shot I was planning to do =P. I'll post that up as soon as I have the time to actually sit down and write something non-crappy, besides my EAS essays, anyways. =P

The week or two since I've actually updated about my life has been.. Interesting. Hehe. I'm nearly settled here, I guess. I don't jump at every little thing (and no, people screaming in my ears do NOT count), I don't panic so much when I'm alone, and I smile more these days. I talk a bit more, I laugh a little more. I muse some more, and I wonder sometimes as well. But at least I don't regret, not so much, anyways. I still miss you people, and our crazy bunch of crazies. Hehe. But it's all part of growing up, isn't it? Skinned hearts and knees and lingering hugs and smiles.

In any case, homework's been piling again, especially EAS commentaries =.=" Gosh. And my writing abilities tend to escalate or deteriorate according to my bloody moods, thus you'll see both As and Ds in one file. Heh. I'm worried about my Lit as well; only God knows why I'm taking all subjects for November =.=". Okay, fine, I know why. It's more convenient bla bla bla. Heh. =S Let's just hope my writing skills don't desert me by then, eh?

Math is as sleepy as usual-I'm sorry, I really don't like the subject most of the time, despite it being my highest-scoring subject thus far =.=" Embarrassing, man. Heh. Yes, I'm disappointed with my Lit marks, and yes, I wanna get AT LEAST a B for the next test. Sigh. I don't believe I'm being an over-achiever; I mean, I'm Sherly. I'm lazy and I like bumming and writing and eating and reading and sleeping. I'm quite content with B+s and A-s, and I'm very grateful if I get A+s, but really, I won't qualify being a nerd, despite coming from a 'prestigious' school and all. I mean, seriously. It's Sherly, for goodness' sake. Haha. =P

Rights. Moment of ranting over. Hahahaha. Gosh. Owh well. Apparently Sir likes saying my name a lot. Heh. I love my name too, and its special spelling, but really, six times in a day? Sigh. Okay, I'm ranting again. Haha. =P

Anyways.

Watched the Debate finals on Tuesday, and yes, I must say: PTEK butchered MS. I'm so sorry, but sigh. Wished Jane could've debated. Hehehe. Owh well. Congrats, PTEK, and well done to MS, who did their best. =) And Jarrod, who won best speaker for the grand finals. And the Musical Theater and the MS Choir did an awesome job too. Hehehe. All in all, it was a great afternoon, catching up with the MS people and all. Gosh, sometimes it's like I've never moved at all. And then there're hugs and simple "I miss you!"s and the fact that my kain's more colourful and I'm reminded again. Sigh. =/

Ooh! Gosh, I'm getting darker due to Frisbee nowadays. Heh. Reminds me of the good ol' Softball days. Hahahaha. One of these days, I'ma go back to MS and PLAY. Or, if there's a tourney or something, I might just go and play a bit after the game. Hehehe. What about it, people? I'm like, desperate to throw and bat and catch, man. =S Frisbee's fun and all, and my throwing skills still suck, but I think I'm getting the hang of it. *big grin*

Hehehe. There's more, but I won't divulge anymore. Some things are just too.. Good to share with the world. Hahaha. =P Suffice to say, you're not the only one with the idiot idiot smile. Hehehe. ;)

And there ends my post, peeps. Hehehe. Cyou around.

A Love-Bug Bite

2010-04-28T22:37:00.000+08:00

A/N: Yeaps, another one-shot. Concocted during the craziness that is Sociology. Anyways. You know, I haven't written a sappy, lovey-dovey one-shot in a LONG while. Hehehehehe. And listening to such mellow, sweet songs has made the love-story bug bite me and I just can't ignore it, so there. Hope you enjoy ;).

Disclaimer: No borrowing, buying or stealing without my permission. I've got a mean right hook.

He shifts his feet, biting his lower lip worriedly while trying to keep a normal stance, and failing miserably. He hasn’t done this in a while, and he wonders if he takes other matters for granted too. Maybe, he decides, and it doesn’t surprise him that this didn’t make him feel any better at all.

He glances around, and flicks his gaze at the silver watch on his left wrist, groaning inwardly when he realized it was two minutes past five. Two minutes, and she isn’t here yet.

He should’ve picked her up. Maybe she’s just held up. Maybe she forgot. Maybe she doesn’t want to hurt him anymore and she’s decided that they should just move on. Maybe-

“So sorry I’m late; Diana was distracted by some Gucci bag and insisted on buying it despite the ridiculous price.” She pants slightly as she arrives, her lean figure hiding her unfit self, and she looks at him apologetically. Maybe she really does care.

“It’s alright,” It isn’t, really, but he smiles sincerely anyway and continues. “Let’s go in, then.” They turned back towards the little cafe just a little a ways from the cracked, rarely used road, their fingers interlocking with each other as if they’ve done this forever. It doesn’t feel like forever though, not to him. Maybe it’s been too short a time, and he thinks again.

They turn towards their usual table, hardly noticing the decor of the building anymore, the unclothed, spotless tables, the slightly rickety, comfortable wicker chairs, or the pastel shades on the walls they pass by before settling down in their seats. He sits facing her, like he always does.

“The usual?” It’s the blonde waitress this time. May, he remembers, and then doubts his thoughts. Maybe she’s Joanna.

“Yeah, thanks, Angie.” The sandy-haired woman answered for them, and he’s glad he doesn’t have to say anything then. The waitress smiles and walks off, leaving them on their own like he wants and dreads to be. Menial talk ensues, and he can’t help grinning at her ridiculous exaggerations as she relays her day to him. He finds them endearingly annoying, love-sick fool that he is. He teases, like he’s wont to do, and she rolls her eyes and retorts back.

He merely answers flippantly, when he can’t find a better reply, and rolls his eyes at her smug smirk, inwardly wondering if he could see it tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after the day after-

“Thanks,” she answers Angie, smiling widely at the younger girl who brought them their dishes and tips her, like she always does. The blonde teenager flashes a grin, and walks away, and he can’t help but compare that the gait of the woman before him is much more enticing than the blonde’s bold sashay. Maybe he’s being biased, but he knows:-

He doesn’t really care about that.

They tuck into their food, silent at first, and he savours the tastes in his mouth before his stomach turns to lead and he nearly chokes back his dinner, but he doesn’t and he’s grateful for that. He hopes she doesn’t notice his now-pale face and sweaty, shaky palms, and finally thinks to himself, that it’s best just to get this over with here and now.

“Leah?” He curses that he sounds like a ten-year-old boy, and clears his throat, pointedly ignoring the woman’s questioning stare as she sips from her latte. He knows he’ll get lost in her near-turquoise eyes, and he doesn’t want that; at least, not now. He needs his nonexistent words, and he scrambles to grab them out of the air, before taking a deep breath, gets up from his seat and prays to God she doesn’t make a huge fuss as he embarrasses himself this evening.

“I suck at public speaking, so I’ll be frank. Leah Dahlia Walker, will you marry me?”

She doesn’t move from her seat. He knows it’s over, but his knees are glued and he can’t get up.

Leah helps him up, taking him by the hand and pulling his arm gently before burying her head in his shoulder, and he feels wet tears through his thin shirt. “’Course, silly.”

And he knows he’s the happiest man in the world when she says that.

A/N: So. Criticism? Still trying to explore the boundaries of clicheness and authenticity. =P Meh. Hope you liked, neways. =)

Something I spruced up. Just 'cause I didn't wanna do Lit. Hehehehe. =P

2010-04-25T17:33:00.000+08:00

A/N: So. It's short, and it may be my worst work ever, but whatever. I just felt like taking a break from writing stupid essays and just, well, write. Because there's a difference, you know. ;)

Disclaimer: MINE. No buying, borrowing, or stealing without my permission. I will judo-chop your heads off if I so catch a whiff of such lowly acts.

Anyways, hope you enjoy this short piece. =)

It’s slightly below freezing in my room; maybe slightly warmer than that as well. Pastel shades stare at me, even if they had no eyes. Maybe this was why I didn’t like staring at them; I couldn’t see them stare back.

Pale blue and violet walls. My parents picked it out for me; I guess they thought I’d like it. I probably did. I might have cooed over their choice, even. I was twelve; I should be given some credit. Internally, I scoff at that thought. Dreams left me barely standing when I hit puberty and saw the world through a clear looking-glass.

Some people call me disturbed. Maybe I just don’t like to be disturbed. Is that too difficult to comply with? Maybe mankind ate the wrong fruit from the wrong tree. Or, maybe mankind DID eat the right fruit but they didn’t digest it properly and-

Ramblings make me tired. Eric used to say I used my head too much, that my brain could potentially explode from the amount of thoughts I store inside of it. But isn’t that what the brain is for? To store what can’t escape through your lips? The black abyss didn’t seem like it could take more than a few distorted memories at a time, and so it seemed pointless to argue with him.

I never see Eric anymore.

I don’t ramble much, nowadays.

I just stare at the pastel shades, and try to find the eyes, the eyes that are staring, always staring.

A/N: And there you have it. Comments? =)

The beginning I sense.

2010-04-22T20:41:00.000+08:00

... And it's over. Gosh. Hahahahahaha. =P

But yeah. Between campaigning and homework (CRAP! Math and Socio tests next week! @.@) and basically living, life has been quite pleasant to me. There has been ups and downs, a few trip-ups and a few skinned knees, but it's all part of growing-up, isn't it?

I watched the semi-finals for the National Debate Competitions between the sixth form centres at my old school, and I was amazed at how much at home I still felt there. Maybe those five years actually made some impact. Maybe they weren't the waste I had pegged them to be. Maybe... Maybe I still miss it? Heh. I definitely miss the people, though. Haha. And I got to read an announcement too! =D HAHA! I missed doing that, man. Gosh. Thanks, Deena! =D And I may be slightly rusty, but I think I've still got it. =P

The debates were really heavily economically themed, so nearly everything whooshed above my head (like most things, really =P) but it was still good watching the people, listening to the witty, fiery, and very padas banter. Gosh. Hahahahaha. Katok and MS won! =D =D So finals are between my old school and my present school. Hmm.. Wonder who should I support? =P =P

Speaking of competitions and support, congrats Liew Shan Wee on being voted as President for Katok's Student Council 2010/2011! =D Mehehe. See? Have faith and chill, dude. Hahaha. Looking forward to working with you on the Council, baboon. =P Don't disappoint your many many fans, yeah? ;) HAHA! =P Congratulations as well to Chynna, Merc, Fiqah for the remaining top 4 posts (D.P and V.Ps) and hats off to Dalv, Qilah and Ilham for being strong contenders =) It's gonna be an interesting one year-ish working with you guys and the rest. =)

Well, it'll be one colourful year one way or another, anyway. ;) I mean, barely two months here and I've already changed accents twice. I wonder what's next =P. Hehe.

I'm glad I moved. I needed this. Thank You, God =).

And the bed calls me before nine for the first time in days! It's... It's... Unbelievable! Unimaginable! And I'm impatient, so nights, peeps! =D

Less than 6 hours of sleep per night is detrimental to my fragile health.

2010-04-18T15:16:00.000+08:00

Gosh. @.@

It's been one mad week, and frankly, I'm super exhausted. This is what comes when you're used to sleeping at 10ish every night and suddenly having to stay up 'til midnight for.. *counts days on fingers* .. 3 nights? 4? Meh. I can't even remember. Gosh. So glad my studies aren't affected. Yet. Four subjects shouldn't mean more homework than eight subjects =.=" Grr.

Hehehe. In case some of you didn't know, a good friend's running for President for Student Council at PTEK, and half of the week's already spent campaigning and promoting and advertising, and beating a few flames along the way, but I'm glad. I'm happy I'm able to experience this. I'm excited really, for the dude, and for everyone else and for myself too. And well, I'm having fun sparring in English too. MWAHAHAHAHA. Gosh. QEEL. Bila lagi eh??

In any case. Life's been rather mundane besides the 'race' for presidency and all, and I'm meeting new people. Talking a lot more, getting pissed a lot more too =P And garnering some delicious enjoyment from it. MWAHAHA. Sorry. Hehe.

I've been hesitant to show all the sides Sherly has. Distorted, banged, a little dusty, a little bruised, a little glassy. It's not a pretty, factory-made package. Maybe it's coming into shape, but not for a long while. And as a little teddy clarified, everyone has doubts. And I'm trying. Still am. But it's easier now. The doubts are still there, just silenced for now. Who knows? Maybe they'll be silenced forever, though I doubt that would happen soon. Hahaha.

But right now, I'm alright. =)

I just HAD to do this.

2010-04-13T17:38:00.000+08:00

I've just got to say this:

I feel like SUCH a NOOB.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay. Slight madness over for now. Sorry for that, peeps. It's just, I really do feel like a noob. Like, I haven't felt like this for a LONG, LONG time. Heh. Guess there's a second first time, huh? Though I've never heard of it; I wonder if amnesiac people go through that.

Anyways. Guess what? Guess what?

I just learned my first guitar tablature.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Admittedly, it was only the verses and the chorus, and it's a relatively easy song, nevertheless, I did it. I fell slowly. After years of merely playing rhythm. Heh. Feels.. Funny, really. Hahaha. That I've only taken the initiative now. And, well, I might get used to it. I'm still stiff. Still blundering, like I always do. Still hesitant.

But at least I've made the first pluck.

By the way, lunch today was awesome. =D Went to Millenium Restaurant with the Puspasanan, the Thien and the Liew for some good (HUGE) burgers and fries and general talking and goofing around =) One day, when I have my licence, that is, I'll bring the rest of you around =D. Provided I have enough fuel, anyway. =P Hehehehe.

=).

And again and again.

2010-04-11T13:43:00.000+08:00

Yes, I've been slightly neglecting this blog. Yes, I'm sorry for that. Yes, I know it's only had, what, 2 posts? But yeah.

Again, so much has taken up my time since camp, it's just, well, a little overwhelming. What with being plunged headlong into school again and many, many Easter practices, I haven't had much time for myself. Although I did finish reading a couple of thick books along the way, but they were so overdue I was just glad when I finally got them over with. But they were good, though. Hehe. =D

Neways. Easter was a bit nerve-wrecking, to be honest. So much to prepare, so little time to do everything at all. I nearly forgot what Easter was all about; key word being nearly. I'm just glad He managed to pull me back just in time to see what it all meant once again. What Resurrection Sunday was all about.

So yeah. CADM had this sort of mini production thing, with dances and a mime and a whole skit to go along with it, and well, we had fun. A lot of fun. I didn't know about the others, but the whole thing really did make me ponder and even imagine the perspectives of those who were actually there, who actually witnessed the whole thing. Surreal, really.

Yes, I was playing Mary Magdelene, and yes, I know dramatic isn't really my thing (blur and slightly obstinate is, but whatever) so I had some trouble with the character in the beginning, the middle, and towards the end. =P I'm just glad I got it on the real day. Hahaha.

Meh. School's been crazy with this and that, and yes, I'm still adjusting, still trying to swim and hoping desperately I won't drown without latching on to too many things and people. I've made some more new acquaintances with the help of a few others (that's you, dude =P) and I'm gradually opening up, I guess. It's not like I use sarcasm as much I used to or kill people's brains with lameness like I always did, but I think I'm getting there. I hate walking on eggshells, I loathe holding my breath and wondering if I was too reserved, or too much. It's frustrating, just thinking and thinking about it.

Sigh. Other than that, school's actually pretty fun. =P

Oh, and I don't know what's wrong with the bloody music player @.@ Ugh. Like I said, I'm an illiterate when it comes to technology. Grr.

Anyways; here's to a good week this week, eh?

Camp Update!

2010-03-29T16:24:00.000+08:00

Hahaha. Well, 'Camps' Update, I should say.

KOOL Camp:

Honestly, I didn't exactly know what to expect. I never expected having to look after 21 kids with only two other helpers(who did an awesome job, by the way, thanks Carol and Dan =)), that was for sure. I never expected to endure so much confusion just because of sleeping quarters, nor did I expect to lose my voice just after a day and a half of shouting. But I love my Rubies all the same =).

Ya'll are definitely precious in the eyes of God, no matter what.

So, Stephen said something which struck me as pretty sensible; the team takes on its leader's personality. No wonder my kids tend to be the blurrest ever. And the cutest too. =P HAHA. But my kids really were cute. And hilarious. Oh goodness, their antics are too crazy sometimes. We had really amazing kids in that big bunch of kids, and I'll always have a heart for the kids, if nothing else.

This year was a pretty hectic year, but somehow one of my kids would do or say something and it'll just make me feel glad that I joined the camp in the first place. They're just so darn cute! EEHH! >.< HAHA.

Especially when they had stage fright. Hahaha. Gosh, I'd never forget the look on their faces then too. I scarcely remember looking like that so many years ago. Man. I feel old. At least some didn't even know how old I was until the others who knew told them. Heheheeheh. =P

I'm glad some of them decided to be serious though, and rededicate themselves again. =)

All in all, KOOL Camp was awesome. I hope I get to see some of them in KOOL in the near future. =)

Youth Camp:

'Twas epic. Awesome is SO overrated. Gosh. I hated that I felt crappy a lot of the time due to my fever and such, but I still had an amazing time with my Slate members. We're a crazy bunch of people, ain't we? Especially during Captain Ball ;) Hehehehe. I'm still stoked I got to play half a game! HAHA. =P AND we WON for that round! WOOTS!

Anyways. Hehe. I actually liked being in church for camp. It actually felt like an extended version of YDM. Seriously. And we had loads of time to kill so we just spent it building relationships and laughing at nonsensical stuff. And I have to say this; Ehi, you're one crazy Nigerian. I think I nearly had stomach cramps just laughing at you. And your weirdly legendary celebrity bash. HAHAHA. That, I won't so easily forget. Like the rest of my girls. Rachie, for helping me loads when I couldn't make it, Cherrie, Gaby, Nisha, Yen, Mich Wong and Blessy the Bum (=P) for just being there and being stupendous Slate members. Sheng, though we were blur all the time (well, most, anyway =P) and Shan Wee, who kept pointing out how sick I looked, no doubt out of concern =P mehehehe, we still epic together. =D

Thanks SOOOO much for all those who wished me well, I love ya'll for your concern =') Truly made me feel better inside, as corny and sappy as it sounds. Really. =)

Overall, Solid Rock Camp 2010 was a legendary experience, and I'm glad I stayed on for the ride with you epic peeps.

To YDM. To Jesus. =)

Appropriate title, Miss Shie. =P

2010-03-29T15:54:00.000+08:00

Thanks, woman. =)

As you can see, I'm still an illiterate when it comes to technology, and a sick one at that. Gah. Non-stop camps and a pretty low immune system might be the cause of that, but ah well. At least I get to skip school, though I don't intend to carry out the doctor's order of four days off; who knows just how much I'm going to miss?!

Rights; I sound like a nerd. Ah well. Can't be helped. Speaking of which; my classmates SHOULD be getting back to me soon....

Meh. So. Life in PTEK is, well, a bit of a whirlwind. I mean, I haven't exactly created my niche yet, and I admit, I eat meals alone sometimes (most times, if I bothered to eat at all) but I talk. I try not to close up. I smile. I fix my wayward tudong. I participate in class discussion (well, some classes; Math doesn't really count =P) and I joke with my classmates. Alright, so not all of my classmates, but it's a start. A pretty good one, if I may say so. The people aren't the same as the ones in MS, but I guess they can't help it.

The buildings are... a bit confusing at first. All buildings are, really. Like, if the C Block is to the right, why is the E Block next to it? And all that stuff. I'm glad my classes aren't too far away from each other, though. Hahaha. One blessing, amongst a few others, I guess. =)

My teachers are.... Well, for some reason, all of them tend to be eccentric. Really. Like, they're weird in their own ways. I have a Math teacher with a rather stilted accent (no offence, Sir), an EAS and ELT Tutor who keeps going on about South Africa and a Socio teacher who seems to vehemently disapprove of gayness. Ah well. They're funny. =D

I like my subjects. I'm neutral with Math. =P But I like the rest of them. They actually make me WANT to study and research on stuff and basically, I'd choose writing essays over calculating equations any day. ;)

All in all, it's looking a bit rocky, but no storms ever stopped Him; why should a few waves scare me?