Guided by hope.

It's been a while, hasn't it?


Anyways. Life has been hectic busy chaotic... Rather strenuous, actually. A myriad of beehives-humming and buzzing in one's ear. And everywhere else, really. And I already feel like a (cute!) tiny old grandma, stooped and staring at everything that's bigger and brighter than I am. And I might have mentioned this before, but I'd so go for a full body massage right now; I've got kinks and knots in places I bet forty-year-old women would never even possess. O.O Sighs. Christmas gift, anyone?


School has been.. Alright, I guess. Haven't lost the will to study, as of yet, and for that I'm really glad. Math is.. An exception, but I'll get around to it eventually. Mehe. On the bright side, I finished going through one whole unit of Sociology in 5 days! =D AND I went through about 5 or 6 poems. Heh. I did a few questions on Math, but that was it. =S Gosh. And mocks are in 4 weeks? Not too far away. @.@


And I've had many, many practices for the past two weeks. My head's constantly filled with chords and actions and counts, and it gets annoying, really. To the point where I can't sleep at night because I'm always thinking, always remembering, and I'm a cranky zombie the next day at school. The shadows underneath my eyes are getting darker, and my grey hair are now white and abundant. Highlights, I ask you. Sighs.

When 12.11.10 finally rolls around, I'll be the happiest girl alive for this year alone.

Just gonna stand there and watch;

So.

I don't feel like blogging about how my week was, because it was crazy hectic as usual and I don't feel like being usual today. I don't even feel like thinking back how the week went, not because it was that bad, but because it flew in a blur, yet it felt long and stretched, just like how I feel right now. Stretched and limp. I wonder when I'll reach that point when I've gone over my elasticity and I'm just standing limply because I can't stretch backwards anymore.

I've always wondered what's on the other end of a rainbow.

I want my old fringe back. It was easier to keep a poker face back then.

I haven't done any cross-stitching in ages. It was.. Too tedious. Too meticulous. I liked the outcome, the sense of pride and relief, but I guess I just haven't got the patience. Nor the time.

I've always wanted to go to Ireland. Hear the accent for real; maybe even buy a leprechaun's hat for a memento or something.

I've to get new strings for my guitar. Heh.

I wanna go shopping. To be able to buy without worrying if it's too expensive, or if I've bought too much. I wanna clean out my wardrobe and get some new things. New shirts, new skirts, new dresses; heck, bring on the new underwear, I say.

I miss writing. A lot.

I miss just being.

HALLO AH.

Hehehe. Sorry about the title; the friend has reared its ugly head once again and I am forced to expostulate my randomness in some other way. =D


Anyways; I don't wanna be here for long. I've been here for too long already, so yeah. HAHA. I was just going through a friend's blog and I found this.


When you're at that stage where you're going to face the crossroads of your life, you don't overlook something like this easily. Even if it's some questionnaire; a social construction of the simplest kind. But hey, a desperado does what she can, no?


So anyways. If you still haven't clicked that link, it's a sort of questionnaire to determine which courses would suit your interests the best. It's UCAS, by the way, so some of the courses would probably not be available here. Just saying. Hehe.


After careful deliberation, the site has concluded that my suitable courses would be:


1. International Studies
2. Education
3. English/Literary Studies
4. Communication
5. Ancient History
6. Drama/Theatrical
7. Philosophy &Theology
8. Media/Radio/TV/Film
9. Psychology


This.. Is not unusual. HAHAHA. Yeaps. No Science, whatsoever. =D So yes. I already know I wanna be, anyways, sort of. This was just for fun. And for the sake of doing it. =P


Like I said, this is a short one. And I shall end now. Nights, peeps.

An attempt; to be.

A/N: It's been a while. =) Since we haven't done monologues in EAS yet, I decided to give it a try. Lemme know what you think.


Disclaimer: Mine. Anyone/thing even attempting to steal shall be haunted in their dreams by flying lizards and ten-foot spiders.

    Kayla has just gotten back from school; she drops her bag in a silent thump on the floor as she turns around to face the window. She walks towards the clear glass, barely seeing her reflection in the afternoon light.

    "You've gone and done it again, haven't you?"


    "They don't see you anymore. It's your fault, isn't it? It's your fault for wanting to, in the first place. It's your fault, for agreeing so quickly-for not thinking through. Not that you always have. You were always rushing through, always running, always looking at the sun instead of the small, twinkling stars almost wrapping themselves around you.


    "But those stars-isn't the sun a star as well, you say. And you're right. It's one massive ball of fire dumped right there; where you can see it. But you can never touch it, can you?


    "They say you're not you anymore. Even your shadows change, the way you walk isn't the same now, is it? You talk different, they say. They look at you differently, too. You act different-like you've gone and swallowed everything new and now it's showing, displaying, glaring harshly at them."

    Kayla walks closer to the window, and her reflection disappears, leaving her to stare at the pathway leading away from her front door.

    "They didn't know, though. Didn't know how much you tried. They weren't there when your smile was fake and your laughter shrill. They never saw your skinned heart, ripped at the seams and crumbling, crumbling so slowly.


    "You tried. You really did; smiling and giggling politely. Even though that wasn't you. Even though all you wanted to do was grit your bloody teeth and wish to God it was all over, that all you dreamed of was that old you that they keep talking about, that old shell you've discarded for a new one, that faded reflection in the window.


    "They couldn't believe how fast, how much you've absorbed. It's like you were here, and then, you were gone. At least, that's what they think, even if they don't say. You could see it in their eyes, hear them whispering in their heads. That's when you wished you didn't know them as much as they didn't know you."


    "Yeah, you've done it again. It's not the first time this happened-not the first reflection that slithered away. No, of course not. You're not a Bunburyist, but you definitely don't live an earnest life. And there you go again.


    "But you can't say you didn't want this. You did; you really, really did. You wanted to absorb, you wanted to throw, you craved that newness, that refreshing breath of air. Because you were stifled for so very long; because you were finally, finally on familiar ground. Though the flowers be different and the sun now sets on your right, at least you recognise the slopes, the little lakes, the tiny clearing just beyond the horizon.


    "Maybe they don't like the new you because you're more opinionated now. You're louder, gentler,  more open. Maybe they don't like seeing all those emotions from you-maybe they've got too much of their own and it's just too much for them to deal with, the strangeness of it all."


    Kayla steps back, and the reflection comes back, albeit slightly distorted and discoloured. She stands, slightly slumped, but she stares at the outside world still, expressionless except for her dark, swirling eyes.

    "I wonder if they think you're ugly now. That you not being you anymore disgusts them, makes them rethink twice about themselves. Makes them wonder if they'll do like you'll do, even if they vehemently protest against it. Makes them realise that nothing's infallible.


    "Maybe they see those parts of you that're still you, and that's why they still welcome you with open arms. Perhaps they stand out a little more, now that you're not really you anymore. Little Horcruxes, they be. Parts of your soul. Only, is it really that broken?"  

A/N: As I said, lemme know what you think. =)