Tuesday, August 3, 2010

An attempt; to be.

A/N: It's been a while. =) Since we haven't done monologues in EAS yet, I decided to give it a try. Lemme know what you think.


Disclaimer: Mine. Anyone/thing even attempting to steal shall be haunted in their dreams by flying lizards and ten-foot spiders.

    Kayla has just gotten back from school; she drops her bag in a silent thump on the floor as she turns around to face the window. She walks towards the clear glass, barely seeing her reflection in the afternoon light.

    "You've gone and done it again, haven't you?"


    "They don't see you anymore. It's your fault, isn't it? It's your fault for wanting to, in the first place. It's your fault, for agreeing so quickly-for not thinking through. Not that you always have. You were always rushing through, always running, always looking at the sun instead of the small, twinkling stars almost wrapping themselves around you.


    "But those stars-isn't the sun a star as well, you say. And you're right. It's one massive ball of fire dumped right there; where you can see it. But you can never touch it, can you?


    "They say you're not you anymore. Even your shadows change, the way you walk isn't the same now, is it? You talk different, they say. They look at you differently, too. You act different-like you've gone and swallowed everything new and now it's showing, displaying, glaring harshly at them."

    Kayla walks closer to the window, and her reflection disappears, leaving her to stare at the pathway leading away from her front door.

    "They didn't know, though. Didn't know how much you tried. They weren't there when your smile was fake and your laughter shrill. They never saw your skinned heart, ripped at the seams and crumbling, crumbling so slowly.


    "You tried. You really did; smiling and giggling politely. Even though that wasn't you. Even though all you wanted to do was grit your bloody teeth and wish to God it was all over, that all you dreamed of was that old you that they keep talking about, that old shell you've discarded for a new one, that faded reflection in the window.


    "They couldn't believe how fast, how much you've absorbed. It's like you were here, and then, you were gone. At least, that's what they think, even if they don't say. You could see it in their eyes, hear them whispering in their heads. That's when you wished you didn't know them as much as they didn't know you."


    "Yeah, you've done it again. It's not the first time this happened-not the first reflection that slithered away. No, of course not. You're not a Bunburyist, but you definitely don't live an earnest life. And there you go again.


    "But you can't say you didn't want this. You did; you really, really did. You wanted to absorb, you wanted to throw, you craved that newness, that refreshing breath of air. Because you were stifled for so very long; because you were finally, finally on familiar ground. Though the flowers be different and the sun now sets on your right, at least you recognise the slopes, the little lakes, the tiny clearing just beyond the horizon.


    "Maybe they don't like the new you because you're more opinionated now. You're louder, gentler,  more open. Maybe they don't like seeing all those emotions from you-maybe they've got too much of their own and it's just too much for them to deal with, the strangeness of it all."


    Kayla steps back, and the reflection comes back, albeit slightly distorted and discoloured. She stands, slightly slumped, but she stares at the outside world still, expressionless except for her dark, swirling eyes.

    "I wonder if they think you're ugly now. That you not being you anymore disgusts them, makes them rethink twice about themselves. Makes them wonder if they'll do like you'll do, even if they vehemently protest against it. Makes them realise that nothing's infallible.


    "Maybe they see those parts of you that're still you, and that's why they still welcome you with open arms. Perhaps they stand out a little more, now that you're not really you anymore. Little Horcruxes, they be. Parts of your soul. Only, is it really that broken?"  




A/N: As I said, lemme know what you think. =)



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